Destined

Thirty Five

Alex

A knock at the door catches my attention from my work in the kitchen. My feet step one by one to the place the sound came from, stopping when my hand reaches the knob and turns. Surprise rushes over me as I'm greeted by Nina, one of the women of the past twenty four hours. I didn't expect to see her so soon after the shit show last night, I was almost convinced that I wouldn't see her for at least a couple weeks but knowing her, she's always got to know what's going on so I could call it a pleasant surprise for sure.
"Hello Mister Anderson," she jokes with a sweet grin on her seemingly symmetrical face.
"Hey you. What are you doing here, back for more chaos?" She chuckles at that, shaking her head.
"Is Evelyn here?" My smile falters at the mention of the girl who sleeps across the hall from me.
"The two of you best friends now?"
"No, it's a valid question, don't be a doof. So, is she here or not?"
"She's at school."
"Good!" Nina says, pushing herself inside. "Rude of you not to invite me in but I'll let it slide this time." I close the door behind her and watch her find the couch in the space over. I hold my hands together, fiddling with my fingers. "We need to talk and it's best if she's not around to intervene or quite frankly, it's best if she doesn't hear this." I sit down on the adjacent couch with a terribly skeptical look plastered on my face. I think it's best not to hide it, she needs to know I'm unsure of this and that I truly don't understand what's going on but she rolls her eyes in return, continuing on with what she came here for. "Now," she exhales, "I need you to tell me about last night."
"What am I having to tell you about it exactly, you were there, you saw what I saw."
"Your feelings-" I groan, sitting back into the cushions. "Shut up, this is important," she reprimands me. "I need to hear your feelings on everything."
"Are you my therapist?" Her eyes scold me, putting me in place and I give in. "Okay, fine, I don't like nor do I fully grasp all that went down. Happy?"
"What don't you like?"
"That I don't know what she was being pushed to say; that before she was going to say anything, Andrew and Jo ruined it." I take a breath to continue on but Nina takes this as an opportunity to speak.
"How'd you know she was going to say anything?"
"I know her," is all I want to say but it's not a good enough explanation. "I know that look on her face, I've seen it too many times before whenever Andy, Jo, or both would show up and we would be forced to stop talking. Evelyn and I know when we need to stop talking or even be quieter than before."
"Why would the two of you have to do that." Her expression tells me that she doesn't know if she wants to hear what I have to say but she asked so you can bet she'll be getting an answer.
"You want the truth?" Her nod is hesitant but sure. "We've had certain run-ins and conversations that her parents maybe wouldn't approve of us having, that she and I probably shouldn't have."
"Like what?"
"Like in the motel room." Her eyes are on the verge of bugging out of her sockets so she rolls her hand telling me to elaborate. "She got drunk at a party when she was supposed to be at a friend's so she called me, figured I wouldn't get her in trouble and asked if we could stay at a motel. Things were said."
"You're being a horrible friend by not telling me what words were exchanged and if that's all that happened.
"Look, it was nothing, nothing happened. All of this has been nothing."
"All of it," she says to herself to let it process that it wasn't just one time. "Alex, how many encounters have you had?"
"More than we should've allowed. I know I've made mistakes here and have been far from responsible - like getting intoxicated and thinking that it'd be a great idea to talk to her - but it's too late to turn back and it's way too late to start over."
"Alex, I'm going to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me." I catch her stare and nod. "Do you love her?" I shake my head in disbelief she's asking me this. I turn my head, looking anywhere else before landing them on the floor beneath my feet.
"Oh, not this again. First the man in the bar, then the neighbours, and now you. I don't know if you or anyone else gets this but I can't get involved with her whether I want to or not, I can't, it wouldn't work."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because Nina, if I did the things I wanted and what I felt, I'd lose Andrew and Jolene and that would kill me. I can't lose them no matter what I feel."
"So you do love her." My hands push through my hair. "What if she felt the same as you, would things be different, would you try?" My eyes raise from the floor to meet hers once again.
"She loves me?"
"I'm not saying anything like that, I'm simply asking if it'd change things."
"Is that what she was going to say, am I the one she was talking about? She's been acting so odd lately, I just figured it was some teenage thing but is this why?" My mind wanders back to the night in her room, back to what Maria said the first time she came over, the night where words of Daniel and Maria were spoken. The tension and connection I felt, she felt it too and I knew that but Lia ruined it the next morning. "She wanted me to kiss her and I didn't kiss her. I should've kissed her," I mumble to myself. Evelyn would tell me to speak up, I hate mumbling and she knows it.
"You can't tell her you know." Nina remarks, stopping me in my tracks. "Alex, she's trying to figure this all out right now. You telling her may only confuse things or freak her out because that would make it real so you just have to wait it out, please trust me on this, it's too soon."
"Why would you tell me she loves me if you won't let me do anything about it. That's not fair to me."
"You of all people know that life isn't fair. Trust me you've waited this long, what's a little longer?"
"It's everything."
"That's a tad excessive, don't you think."
"No, it's the truth. If she loves me, I don't want to waste a moment of her not knowing how I feel. I know things can't happen but she needs to know - I need her to know, especially if that will change things for her decision. She needs to know that she isn't in this alone."