Letters To The Heart

Entry 15: Never

I can't believe this is happening! Today started like any other day. I had just finished my rounds and was on my way to address the many documents awaiting my signature.

Elise and her cousin left yesterday to begin the steps toward securing permanent peace with the nation of Mapal. Witnessing Elise break down the day before made me feel utterly helpless. I wanted to support her, to reassure her that she was making the right choice, but my words felt inadequate.

These past few weeks in Cair Paravel have brought a whirlwind of emotions. Elise and I have had a tumultuous relationship, often filled with arguments. Yet, moments like yesterday remind me that we share a bond deeper than I realized.

Before coming back here, Elise—whom I affectionately call Ellie— and I exchanged letters throughout our childhood. We shared our innermost thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams.

If I said I hadn't developed feelings for her, I would be lying. If I claimed she hadn't become someone I care deeply about—more than I probably should—I'd be lying again. Through those letters, she became my best friend, my rock, the person I always wanted by my side.

I am Christian West-Lee Fournier, heir to the Nation of Rosetta Silvare. While being part of one of the most powerful nations offers immense advantages, it also brings constant danger. Every second, my crown is under threat.

When I returned, I thought my visit would be a simple reunion with an old friend, a chance to let my guard down. But when I saw Ellie again, I was at a loss for words. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Seeing her smile reignited a spark within me.

But when we discovered the arrangement for our marriage, I knew I had to distance myself. Did I want to? Absolutely not.

Did I mean the things I said about her being a selfish girl who didn't care for her country's greater good? No, I never meant that. Ellie is the one person I know who would do anything for her country—even die for it.

She is the most selfless person I know. I realize it may seem strange to have known her only through letters for nearly a decade, but that's how we connected. She became the one person I cared about most.

My upbringing was vastly different from hers. I was forced to grow up quickly, burdened with the responsibilities of kingship from a young age. When I left Cair Paravel at eleven, any semblance of childhood I had was stripped away.

I do not share the same bond with my parents that Elise has with hers. They see me only as their successor to the crown, not as their son. Born with a crown, I was thrust into a world of battles, bloodshed, and political intrigue.

When I learned of my impending marriage to Elise, part of me was surprised but not angry. She is the kind of future queen any king would envy. She is beautiful, intelligent, loving, kind, and prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her people.

Yet, I know I cannot be selfish. If we marry, Elise will be in danger. She has become the one person I care about most, and it was easy to express that care when she was far away. But now that she is here, it becomes increasingly complicated.

I don't want her to be thrust into danger because of me. I know she is willing to marry for the sake of her nation's safety. If pushing her away means keeping her safe, then I must do it. She is safer here, with a less powerful husband, than facing the constant threats that come with being my wife.

When she left yesterday, I made a foolish choice to kiss her. I was trying to keep my distance, maintaining the cold, kingly facade I had perfected over the years. But when the moment came, I lost my resolve. I pulled her behind a pillar, not knowing what I would say, and instead kissed her to silence the chaos in my mind.

At first, I thought I had startled her, but she responded. The kiss was gentle, her lips soft as rose petals. In that moment, it felt right. I realized that perhaps, just perhaps, going through with the arranged marriage wouldn't be so terrible if it meant being with the one person I cared for most.

Now, I find myself riding out with an army behind me, determined to seek out the woman I care for deeply, even if I can never truly have her.

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