The Changed Tales Of A Gutsy Ninja (On Hiatus)

Chapter 19

"Naruto, tell me the real reason why you want to leave." Tsunade asked softly, her motherly instincts were tingling and she had to, had to know the real reason behind this solo adventure camp. She didn't believe his reasoning of suddenly getting interested in becoming 'Naruto the explorer'.

Naruto stayed silent and kept staring at her for a minute long, finally he sighed seemingly making a decision whether to lie or tell the truth to his Baa-chan.

"Baa-chan," he began with such a tone that Tsunade ignored her alcohol and instead leaned forward in her seat, giving him full attention. "I don't understand what. I don't, I don't know and I just want to know and understand, perhaps feel ttebayo."

Tsunade frowned, she was confused.

"I have constantly been frowned upon. Only a handful of people have shown me any positive attitude and don't mistaken me, I am grateful of them. It's just that I understand negative emotions like hate, sadness, grief, loss, betrayal and loneliness. I want to understand positive. I..." He paused, looking more uneasy since he had started giving words to his feelings.

"I want to learn to.." He paused again as if rethinking his words and averted his eyes as if ashamed, "I want to learn to love but for that I need to understand love Baa-chan." Naruto whispered softly and gave a brief glance towards Tsunade and quickly redirected his, sad gaze that Tsunade caught, eyes to his feet.

"Sasuke will come back, I will make sure of that, I will bring him back. Dattebayo!" He vowed, as if promising for the first time looking determined in the way that even Tsunade admired. He smiled softly, there was something like a mixture of determination and bitter acceptance. He continued softly, "I promised that to Sakura-chan and she is waiting for him."

'I will be alone again. Sasuke will hate me more, Sakura will run after Sasuke like a love struck puppy and Kakashi will leave me, to fend myself giving a few tips, when he gets his prodigy back. Again. I don't want to be alone. Not again.' Naruto didn't continue pouring his feelings out instead thought sadly and grimaced at how selfish he sounded even to himself.

He had never expected anyone to love him but was it wrong that he wanted to feel whatever this love was? Was it wrong that he wanted to fall in love with someone even if he couldn't be accepted anyways? Was it wrong of him to dream and have a selfish desire to have a family someday, even if it was only one more person with him? Was it wrong to want something like his parents? Was he wrong?

Kurama rumbled deep in his chest that helped Naruto feel relaxed and lessen the tension in his stiff shoulders. Naruto mentally thanked Kurama who huffed in reply.

'Brat..' Tsunade's eyes saddened. No matter what anyone says, she understands what he means. 'The boy has long ways to go and in the way he will need a support way more personal than that of a comrade, more than that of a friend, more than that of a teacher. If he tries to walk his journey alone further then he won't be able to walk much longer, he will fall. Fall down but he is Naruto he will get up, get up stronger but I don't want him to be alone when he looks up. He will need intimate solace, not union of bodies but feelings and soul. He will need the support of a lover. But the boy is naive if he thinks he will understand love first and then fall in love. Love cannot be understood, can only be felt. Love is just indescribable, he will only understand when he would already be in love.' She could only hope for the best for her gaki.

His words though pierced Tsunade's heart, they only reminded her how alone and starved he was for something personal, for love. Being an orphan and a jinchuriki at that, she could only sympathize with what he felt but she knew that she would never actually know how Naruto really felt.