I was sitting criss-cross on my bed. All the sheets were on the floor because they were annoying me. I had all the lights off too because I had a major headache. The house was quiet for it only being midnight, I guess all the roommates were doing their own thing, in their own rooms.
My fingers drummed against my arm, admiring my soft skin. It was too soft. As if on instinct, I ran my fingernails up and down my left arm, scratching. Red lines soon appeared as I kept doing it. And it stung so bad that tears welled up in my eyes. I switched arms and started harshly scratching it.
I scratched that arm until I could make out droplets of blood forming. I sighed, letting the stinging burning sensation take over. After the pain wears, I get up. I checked to make sure no one was outside my door before going into Colby and I's shared bathroom. I shut the door and locked it.
I leaned against the counter and took a few deep breaths. My head was spinning. My left arm was bleeding slightly so I grabbed a washcloth to clean it. The cold water stung my arm when it made contact and I hissed in pain. I wipe the other arm too.
When I look at my arms, I see the nasty red lines my fingernails made. The skin was puffed up. My arms weren't soft anymore. It was a habit of mine, marking up my pale skin to feel something. Just to feel pain made me happy.
"Sam?"
There was a sudden knock on the door which startled me so much I jumped and ended up falling into the wall. I reached for the towel handle to steady myself.
"Y-Yea?" My voice cracked.
"Ya alright?" It was Colby. I wonder what he was doing, why he wasn't in bed.
My heart aches for Colby but I know he'll never be mine. The brunette boy with the contagious laugh and beautiful smile. The boy with perfectly soft arms and perfect lips. The boy who has my heart yet he doesn't know. The boy who makes me happy.
"I'm fine," I lied.
"Ok but just know you can call me anytime. You can tell me anything," Colby says through the door. I rest my forehead against the door, wanting to feel his beautiful skin.
"Ok thanks Colby," I say back. I hear his footsteps leaving as he walks into his room. I stay in the bathroom for another five minutes to calm myself down. The scratches on my arm are very visible now and I need to cover them up. Luckily the bleeding has stopped.
I tiptoe back to my room and shut the door. I reach for a random hoodie on the ground and put it on. Then I lay on my back on my bed, leaving the covers on the floor. My head was still spinning and I still had a headache. I felt almost sick.
I toss and turn for hours, not feeling like myself. I occasionally scratch at my sore arms. I think back to what Colby told me earlier, that I could call him. That I could tell him anything. But it was now 2am and I'm sure he's asleep. Colby needs his sleep and I don't want to wake him. I debate myself for another 30 minutes before my heart gets the best of me and I search for my phone. I pull up his contact and call him.
After the third ring, I thought he wouldn't pick up but then it clicks and I hear him breathing.
"Hello?"
His voice was deep with sleep and my heart drops to my stomach because I woke him up.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have called," I whisper into the phone. I hear rustling on the other end.
"Sam?"
"That's me," I say.
"Are you ok?" He questions. A single tear slips down my face. He asks the question again and I start to cry. I cover my mouth so he can't hear me. At 2am that question is deep and I wasn't expecting it.
