If I Love Myself[On Hold]

Chapter 2

Let Me Cry, Laura Marano

Quotes;

Happiness is not as easy
As it is made out to be.

Chapter 2.

      "Good morning." He murmurs, gently pressing his lips against my shoulder.

      I lay there on my side, afraid to move out of fear that another pain like the day before will shoot through me. Julian allows his hands to travel  up and down my back, showing me a gentleness I haven't experienced in a while. Bile begins to rise to the back of my throat, and I lurch forward, grasping my stomach.

      The room seems to become blurry and the dinner from last night comes spilling out onto the floor. The bed dips beneath me and he rushes to the other side. Helping me off the bed and around the mess I've made, he guides me over to the bathroom.

     Letting me go I cling onto the sink for balance, the ground seemingly shaking beneath my feet. The ache between my thighs and the searing pain in my head are enough to make my eyes water. Taking a deep breath I peek my head out the bathroom and watch Julian, cleaning up the mess I made. He tends to have a habit of doing that.

     Despite the foul smell and pain in almost every area of my body, I watch him attentively. He only has my best interest at heart.. I have to remember that. I can't fuck this up, without him I've got no one.

     Last night I didn't fight him. Last night there were no tears left in me to cry, no will to fight, and I laid there. I pretended to enjoy the way he would touch me, how his fingers would dig into my skin. Shivering at the thought I avert my eyes from Julian, suddenly feeling sick all over again.

     No matter how many showers I take, I'll never be able to rid myself of the feeling of his hands on my skin.

     He stands up and hurries over towards the bathroom. Tossing the rag into the sink, Julian washes his hands. He quickly raises his hand and I squeeze my eyes shut, attempting to brace myself. Bracing myself for an impact that never comes.

    "Open your eyes."

     Reluctantly I obey, shifting my gaze from his and onto the floor. He snags a towel from the rack, wrapping it around me. Placing his hand gently against my cheek, Julian tugs me in his direction, holding me in a tight embrace.

     "You don't have to be afraid of me, Cyrus." He murmurs gently, stroking my hair affectionately. "Now go put some clothes on and I'll make you something to eat."

      "O-okay."

     Picking carelessly at the pancakes in front of me, I find myself unable to consume anything he has prepared. My stomach churns and Julian's eyes burn holes into the side of my head, obviously taking notice of my lack of appetite. He stares me down and I try to chew a few pieces of bacon, but it all forces its way back up.

      "Cyrus, I prepared a nice breakfast for you." Julian comments, setting his fork down on his empty plate. "I am sick and tired of watching you pick at your food like an animal. If you keep acting sick I'll give you another bruise to match the one on your forehead."

      "I can't."

      Julian pinches the bridge of his nose, his irritation seeming to grow by the second. "You are testing my patience, Cyrus. I suggest you eat or I'll force it down your throat for you."

     I shake my head, scooting the chair back. Grabbing my plate I start to get up and Julian's hand latches onto my wrist. His grip tightens as I try to pull away from him.

     He sneers at me, becoming red in the face. "Where the hell do you think you're going? I told you to eat!"

     "Julian please-"

     Abruptly standing up, he punches me. I stumble backwards the plate smashing onto the floor. He swings and I move out of the way, his fist slamming into the vase behind me. Big mistake.

     "Son of a bitch!"

     "I'm sorry, I-"

     Julian's hands wrap around my neck, muffling my sobs. I pry at his fingers, his eyes burning with a hatred I've never witnessed before.

    Gasping for air I knee him in the groin, he curses, his grip on my neck loosening. Pulling away from Julian, I scramble to the door. Fumbling with the lock, I fling the door open and he grabs me from behind.

     I scream, thrashing around in his arms. He puts a hand over my mouth and I kick Julian, tears well up in my eyes and begin to cloud my vision. I propell myself forward, and his grip slackens. Hurrying out the door the sound of his rage filled cry is not lost on me.

     The further I run down the street the more exhausted I become. Once again, I am all on my own. People in this part of town know Julian, well, they know the kind, compassionate one. No one will believe me, no one will entertain the idea of helping me. Right now, the only person I can truly depend on is myself.

A/N

Thank you so much for reading this chapter of If I Love Myself! I know that it has been awhile since I've published a chapter for this
story, and I'm so sorry
about that!

Love you all.

( ˘ ³˘)❤