If I Love Myself[On Hold]

Chapter 12

Oh My God, Alec Benjamin

Quote;

Other's don't define who you are,
You can only do that for yourself.

Chapter 12.

     After Kareem's mom arrives, the two of us head out. The tightness of my chest is barely noticeable as I get into the passenger side. He pulls out of the driveway and I fumble with the seat belt.

    "You good now?"

     I nod, finally getting the seat belt to click in place. Smiling softly, we head off down the road. I'm going to be fine.

    "Where are going?"

     "It's a surprise." He glances over, taking note of my antsy expression. "Hey, it's not anything bad. Have I hurt you so far?"

     "Everyone's nice in the beginning."

     Kareem frowns, "I'm sorry you haven't had good experiences with people."

     "It's okay."

     "No, it isn't."

     I shrug in response, staring out the window. Music begins to play and for the rest of the ride, neither of us dares to utter a single word. I can't wait to crawl back into bed.

     Eventually Kareem pulls into a parking lot, only a few other cars are present. Attempting to keep myself together, I slowly unbuckle myself. He hasn't done anything to me. Not yet anyways.

    We both get out of the car and the sound of a door slamming causes me to freeze. "Where do you think you're going? Open the door! Open the damn door!"

    "Hey, you-"

    I shriek as Kareem comes around from the other side of the car. Julian would've been so angry with me, but he isn't. Waiting patiently for me to collect myself, I turn away from him.

    "I'm sorry, I'm sorry this keeps happening. I'm not trying — I'm so sorry."

    Gently placing a hand on my shoulder, I freeze. "You don't got nothin' to apologize for. Now come on, we got some walking to do."

    Kareem pulls his hand away, "Oh uh, I'm sorry for touching you. I know you don't like that, I-"

    "Th-thank you."

     "Yeah, now come on."

     He leads me towards some trees and undergrowth. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was leading me to my death. Each step I take is followed by the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet. Kareem's soft humming soothes me, or at least takes away from the buzzing insects and the sight of gigantic dragon flies.

      Nearly out of the woods, ha, my toe hits hard against a rock. Sucking in a deep breath, I groan in pain. He turns around, failing to stifle his evergrowing laughter. In spite of the pain I'm feeling, I can't help but chuckle along with him.

    "You're a jerk." I utter underneath my breath and he gasps, feigning hurt.

    Playfully swatting at him, we move forward. The rushing of water draws my attention and I stand in awe. The water drizzles onto the nearby rocks, sparkling in the sunlight. I stand next to Kareem, amazed at the sight before me.

     The scene was magical, perfect. The water flowing smoothly, glistening effortlessly. The sun beats down on us, heating up our skin, but nothing can possibly ruin a moment as perfect as this. Watching the water plumment and being greeted by a foamy bottom is a captivating sight to behold.

    I feel free.

     "It's beautiful." I whisper, stepping closer.

    "I love coming here. My ma used to taking me here during the summer. I spent hours running around here."

     He plops down in the grass and I sit beside him. "Pictures of waterfalls do not compare to seeing them in person."

     "And you were all worried for nothing." He teases, nudging me gently. "Knew you'd like it."

     "I'm sorry."

     "You don't gotta apologize."

     Picking at blades of grass, I look over at Kareem. "I wasn't the woman he wanted me to be. I didn't listen, I couldn't make him happy.. Not like I used to."

     "Cyrus-"

     "I left because, for a second, I thought I was doing what was best for me. But I don't know, I'm probably just being selfish. I need him. He's all I have and I-" Beginning to choke up, I stop talking, unable to maintian my composure.

    "You're not selfish. He sounds selfish. When you're dating someone you shouldn't control them."

    "You look amazing tonight."

    "You don't understand. I knew you wouldn't understand."

    He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Okay, what don't I get?"

     "I made your favorite."

     "He's not always mean. Lately, he's just been stressed but he doesn't try to take it out on me. I have to do better for him. For us. It's all gonna work out." I defend, "He loves me."

    "He put his hands on you," Kareem argues, gesturing to my arms. "Look at yourself. He did that, didn't he?"

     "I-"

     "You don't intentionally hurt the people you love." He continues, "You don't do that."

    "I love you, you know that."

     "They were accidents."

     He doesn't love you.

    Julian's the closest I've ever gotten.

A/N

Thank you so much for reading this chapter, it really means a lot to
me! What do you guys think of
Kareem and Cyrus'
conversation?

Can't wait to see all your comments and read all of your opinions.

Love you all.

( ˘ ³˘)❤