Paradise *a Jack Gilinsky fanfic*

:/

9/28

Sorry guys this is yet another authors note but....... I came to a conclusion I hadn't come to 4+ months ago when I first started writing this.

So Aubrey is me..... Because last night when I cried myself to sleep (long story don't wanna get into bc I'll cry again. I'm literally so done...) I had a bunch of suicidal thoughts and it was scary. And I realized that my depressioney state was back. :/

But it's ok. It's like 6am rn and I'm awake bc I went to bed at like 7:45 last night. No lie. Ok it was like 8:45 but I came to mh room and cried for an hour, fell asleep until 10:30, went back to sleep and woke up at 4:30 and have been up since.

Soooo yeah. I really wish it were Monday. Not kidding. I wish it were Monday so I could go to school, text bae and tell him to come find me and hug me and tell me everything will be okay. 😭😭😫😫😭😭😭😫😭😫😫😭😭😭😭

But yeah the weekend was fine till like 7:15 last night, when I learned I really need to stfu and not talk. Ever again. Bc when I do I piss off my father and then he gets pissed off and disowns me and basically tells me that he wouldn't care if I moved out.....

I honestly thought about running away. Or something. I haven't moved- like walking around moving- since I came in mh room last night... I'm afraid to get up bc I'm afraid I'll try to commit suicide using one of the nightmares I had or something..... Like I need to put my retainers in but..... Yolo. Idgaf anymore.

But yeah part of me wants to run away and the other part of me wants to yell at "God" and ask him why tf he always does this to me. Makes me get disowned by my father and stuff like that. And why he's put me thru hell so far junior year and also why he hasn't just fucking killed me already....

Anyways. I'm gonna update this later today. I'm working on updating now at 6am bc..... Who knows if I'll be around wifi the rest of the day (especially if I run away or whatevs..)

But yeah thanks for understanding. I love you all. ❤️😘

-Shelby Lynn Gilinsky Ruppniff ❤️

P.S. I'm not committing suicide I promise. I'm just telling you guys that I'm having suicidal thoughts bc it's scary and I'm scared (obviously) and I wanna stay strong like this tiger -> 🐯 (that reminds me of bae bc it's cute and he's cute 😂)