I can feel you searching round my brain
Looking for a way to make a wave
Falling out and in, in and out again
Until our falling thoughts cascade together. - Telepathy, Miles Kane.
As we stood on our neighbors freshly mowed lawn, conversations being idly tossed around, I couldn't help begin getting antsy. Maybe it was because I had a perfectly good order of general tso chicken that was getting cold. My mother, sensing my impatience, politely ended the conversation but not before accepting the Irwin's invitation to dinner.
"What is it, lovebug?" She quizzed.
"They're hiding something."
"Luke." She said, warningly.
My mother had always told me not to play archaeologist; there are some things underground that aren't meant to be discovered.
"I know already. No medaling, blah blah. How would I feel if I were in their place, blah blah. We've had these conversations, how many times now?"
She raised her eyebrow at me in surprise and I was praying to God I wasn't about to get slapped.
"Don't smart mouth me. I'm doing this for your well being. Do not pretend that you aren't aware of what happened the last time."
Her.
My face immediately paled at the mention of before. My mother and I had both agreed that we weren't going to acknowledge that anymore. We were going to move on with our lives and try not to think about the fact that I almost drove myself into a drug induced coma. Recently, however, she's been constantly lashing out at me about it.
"I told you that was a mistake, and it will never happen again." I seethed, trying to keep my voice at an appropriate volume. I gripped the side of the dining room table, knuckles as white as the table cloth draped across it.
"Why do you keep bringing that up, huh?" I yelled, efforts to use my inside voice thrown out the window. "It's as if you want me to remember that when I don't want to. I'm being forced to come to the realization that I fucked up and I don't want to.
"Why do you get yourself so worked up over this, huh?" She sneered, volume and tone of voice mimicking mine. "You are 18 years old, Luke! You are not going to be able to run away from your demons all the time." I could tell that she was trying her best to remain calm but her patience was slowly thinning.
"And why not?" I shot back, voice still holding every ounce of anger as it did prior.
"They run faster."
"I can't believe--wow, Mom." I choked out a humorless laugh.
"You know everything I do is for your well being so do not sit here and try to victimize your self."
Thinking on it, she was completely right. Being the only one that hasn't left the nest, everything my mother did revolved around me. She maintained a cordial relationship with my father in order for him to remain a part of my life; she even changed her hours at the hospital so she wouldn't miss any of my games. That was one of the reasons why I loved my mom as much as I did.
I sighed guiltily, apologizing.
"It's fine, lovebug; go get prepared for dinner." With a pat of the cheek, she walked away. "Oh, and Luke? Next time you back talk me, I won't hesitate to hit you."
"Yes, ma'am." I ran to my room to shower.
"Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo. The way you move ain't fair you know." I sang.
