Misery//Lashton

The Night I Drove Alone|| 5

I ran away from you and now something's killing me

You hang me up like a souvenir of what I couldn't be

And I should've crashed the car the night I drove alone

Escape from all I know

And you talk like someone else

The Night I Drove Alone || Citizen

"Luke," Ashton's weight on my bed made it dip down slightly, "I ordered you some lunch, I'm gonna call the boys and tell them you're feeling a little under the whether and that I'm gonna stay with you." I didn't do anything to acknowledge him. I heard him sigh and get up from the bed.

"Luke, there are a ton of pain killers missing from this, there was a full bottle yesterday." I could hear him shake the bottle of pills. I had taken a lot of the night before. I stayed still not answering him. "Luke... oh god.. did you... try to overdose?" His voice cracked and now I was sure I was going to keep myself covered.

I didn't answer him just nodded, no bother trying to hide things from him since he already knows everything. I heard a small sob coming from him.

The room was sielnt for awhile before I felt the bid dip down again. I mentally groaned. I wanted to tell Ashton to get up and leave me alone, but I couldn't ind the energy. I heard a loud thud, followed my another, must be his shoes. I wanted to move my head but I jsut couldn't, I just felt so emotionally drained. My head was still pressed into the pillow. I could feel it getting wet, I must have started crying.

The covers of the bed lifted up around me and were replaced by his arms around me, he had pulled my head so it was on his chest as he began crying hysterically. Don't say anything, you've said too much he's not even crying because you tried to kill yourself, he's crying because you didn't die. I tried to push the voice away but it stayed.

"Luke I care about you so fucking much, please, I'm sorry if I never showed it enough, and I know if I tell Michael and Calum they'd--" I cut him off, speaking for the first time in minutes

"Don't tell them." I snapped, he didn't answer just bit his lip trying to keep himself from crying, "Please don't make me regret telling you this more than I already do." I mumbled.

Ashton started crying again and I just let him talk about how much he cares about me, and letting the voice in my head tell me why he doesn't. You care more about him then he cares about you, he's just pretending to be nice, Luke, you've really fucked up.

"Did you hear me?" His voice took me away from the one in my head.

"No."

"I said was this the first time you've tried or... thought about it?" I sighed, I didn't want to talk about this with him, I wish he would've just gone out. But I might as well tell him the truth.

"No."

"When was it then?"

"I was ... 16."

"What.....what happened?"

* 2 years ago *

I sat on the edge of my bed with my leg's swinging back and fourth, staring at the lock screen of my phone waiting for a text or two that I knew were never going to come. The house was completely silent, my parents had gone out with my brothers so no one was home. I felt tired, tired of everything in general, so I was left with a heavy, empty feeling. I really wanted to cry but at the moment I couldn't seem too, it felt as if I had moved to a new level of sadness that I wasn't even feeling anymore. The only thing I had felt all day were the diffrent cuts i had scattered along my arms and thighs. And even then it was just a slight sting, nothing more.