Reflections

Chapter 7

Kyle frowned as his eyes furrowed deeply at me. For a second, he let the door stay open, but I could see him grip onto the doorknob tightly.

"What do you want? I'm really busy you know."

"I just wanted to talk. That's all.", I said in an even tone.

Kyle continued to frown at me. I frowned back.

"Sorry, but I don't have the time to talk, so leave me alone.", Kyle almost mumbled out.

I couldn't help the annoyance I felt bubble in my chest. I came all this way to talk to him and he just rejected me? I tried so hard to get to know him, but he pushed me away every time. I mean, I'm not obsessive. Surely I'm not bothering him. It only makes sense for me to want to spend a lot of time with him. I mean, we do play the lead roles in the movie.

While I tried to justify my actions to myself, Kyle took the time to slam the door in my face. Great, just great. Now there's no way we're going to spend any time together today. I spun around and slammed my back against the wall. I slowly slid down and sat on the cold, concrete floor.

And this was probably the thing that bothered me the most. It was hard to explain without making it sound weird but... it was better to get it over with, rather than leave lingering questions in the air.

I felt disappointed, in a way. Kyle's attitude always put me off, even during the beginning of all of this. But I just brushed it off as him not getting into his character right away. But now I think I understand. I tried to deny it, considering how attached to his character I was. But now I needed to face the truth head on.

Kyle is nothing like John in the slightest.

My toes curled in my shoes tightly. I gripped onto the sides of my legs and grinded my teeth together. I hated how much of an emotional reaction I had to this, especially since it was common knowledge. Of course the actor is never just like the character. It only made sense. But even so, I clung to the thought that maybe, just maybe, he might "change." And even after thinking over how stupid it was, I still wanted it to happen.

Because he wasn't the only thing that bothered me.

I ran my hand through my hair absentmindedly. Samuel. They were also an annoying case as well. Despite their strong and almost intimidating build, they seemed rather nice. Every time I had the misfortune of running into them, they always greeted me with a smile and a handshake. It was annoying, but I learned to deal with it. However, it seemed like Samuel had been avoiding me for a while now. Maybe they finally realized how annoyed by their presence I was. Good.

 Still, that really wasn't the thing that bothered me. What bothered me was how they acted. The only reason why I could've see them having been cast as "The Unforgivable Evil" was because of their appearance. Everything besides that was nothing like him. It just made no sense to me, just like with Kyle. If anything, Samuel and John were more alike than Kyle and John were.

I chewed on my thumbnail. Every time I thought about this, I ended up driving myself deeper and deeper into my own messed up logic. I didn't know how to break through it. I could recognize how stupid it was from time to time. But more often than not, I ended up believing what I told myself and rejecting any logic or counterarguments.

As I got lost in my own thoughts, I heard someone clear their throat loudly. I nearly jumped and my eyes darted up to look at the source of the noise. I found myself briefly wishing that it were Kyle. However my hopes were dashed when I recognized the large shape of Samuel.

"Hey there, Claire.", Samuel greeted, their voice sounding a bit shaky.

"Hello.", I greeted plainly.

I uncrossed my legs and lifted myself up from the ground. Once again I was standing, but I still needed to raise my head up to look them in the face. A moment of silence passed between us.

"So, how've you been?" Samuel asked, breaking the ice.

"I've been doing alright."

Samuel nodded, their eyes darted away from me. Why were they trying to avert their gaze from my face. Was there something on it? Or were they upset to see me here? But then why would they talk to me in the first place? As these question buzzed in my head, I didn't realize that Samuel was speaking to me. All I heard was the end of their question and their gaze of expectation. What did they want me to answer with? I couldn't even hear the damn question!

"Ah, what did you ask exactly? I couldn't quite hear it."

"Oh um..." Samuel's gaze darted down to their own shoes. They seemed to study their shoelaces intently.

"Well I was wondering but, um... are you alright? You seem to be sad."

I froze. What were they talking about?

"What do you mean?" I asked quickly, almost in a panic. How did I seem sad? I was fine, so I should look fine. I didn't want to have to deal with this.

"Um what i meant was that...your face? Your face looks..." Samuel said, their words stumbling and mixing around.

I ignored whatever useless thing Samuel was going to say. I reached my hand up to my face and ran it over my cheeks. I froze when I suddenly felt something cold and wet.

I drew my hand away quickly and wiped it on my jeans. I reached the other hand up to wipe my face, trying to desperately dry my wet face. Samuel looked at me with a pitying sort of look. It annoyed me and I rubbed my face harder. Why couldn't they just mind their own damn business? I swear they really needed to learn when to shut up.

"Hey, um, do you need a tissue or...?"

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine.", I said, my shoulders tense. I tried to keep my tone as even as possible, but it was hard to contain the anger that slipped through the cracks.

"But you were crying. Please, just let me do this for you."

"No! Stop bugging me and go away!", I shouted at them.

Samuel reeled back. Just how loud was I? I felt my hands ball into tight fists and I wanted to tear my hair out. Why did they have to be so nice? No better yet, why couldn't they just leave me alone? Didn't they see how annoyed I was with them? Was I acting too nice with then. Yes, I see it now. I wasn't firm enough. Maybe if I had been nastier to them, they would've left me alone. But I know I couldn't do that.

I was too busy trying to stay in character, after all.

Samuel opened their mouth to say something, but I quickly turned my back to them. I stomped loudly over to the exit from the dressing rooms. I grabbed onto the knob and twisted it tightly and swung open the door with a harsh force.

I glanced over at Samuel for one last time, then exited. I slammed the door hard on my way out.

For now on, it was better for me to just avoid them. They only complicated things.