Reflections

Chapter 9

I make myself comfortable as I sit before the large screen. Beautifully dressed people surround me, making me feel like the odd duck out. Even the dress lent to me by Sammy didn't compare to the sparkles and gold worn by the others.

It didn't really bother me much though. I wasn't ever really interested in fashion.

I fold my arms on my legs and keep my posture as straight and proper as possible. I was lucky I had even gotten a seat here. Getting to see such an early screening for a movie this big would be a dream come true for some. But I wasn't lucky because I necessarily wanted to see this movie. After all, I was in it.

No, I was lucky just to see it in general. But why would that be the case?
You see, it's because of that incident.

It had been months since the accident, when I rocked the cage. The hook of it snapped off and it crashed to the ground. I would've been killed were not for some safety mats placed nearby. Still, I suffered from some pretty nasty wounds. I was sent to the ER in the blink of an eye. At least, that's how it felt to me.

Everything happened so fast, yet so tediously slow at the same time. The incident was fast, the recovery was slow. Being in that hospital was probably the worst time of my life. It wasn't that bad, but the long, long wait was practically unbearable. I willed and willed my wounds to heal fast, but that only made things seem longer.

At least I had some time to think things over.

That, and it was nice to see Sammy. To my surprise, they visited me in the hospital as much as they could. Though I couldn't be shocked for long. Sammy was always very nice to me, even when I pushed them away.

At first things were a little awkward. It hadn't been too long since I had yelled at them. At one point I broke down in front of them, apologizing profusely for being such an asshole to them. They smiled and gave me a quick pat on my shoulder.

"It's alright. I already forgive you."

I still felt bad after that, but the happiness at someone genuinely caring for me was enough to overpower that. Those days in the hospital were depressing, but Sammy was always the bright thing I could count on.

I was extremely glad they decided to stick around, even after I got out of the hospital. They were there when I started to go to counseling, they were there when I was fired from the movie, they were there when I was having trouble finding work. I really could count on Sammy and I'm still mad that I couldn't realize that until recently.

But other than forming a close bond with Sammy, there was another thing that I was grateful for, even if it took such drastic measures for me to achieve.

I had finally broken away from Robin's character, completely. That, and I don't have such a dependence on movies anymore.

Of course, it wasn't easy. Making old and obsessive habit vanish completely overnight is an impossible task. So I worked hard everyday to lessen the compulsion to copy what I saw. I worked to build up my self confidence and to realize that even though I wasn't necessarily special or interesting, doesn't mean I needed to change myself. I didn't realize how much I really hated myself until I started talking about my problems.

Things are still hard. My reputation isn't very good, and my leg will never fully recover. But even so I feel as though I gained much more than I lost. I have a new hope that'll never be diminished. I'll face my problems in life with an unwavering confidence in myself and in others. Things aren't perfect, but they don't have to.

Things will be just fine.

"Hey, is the movie gonna start yet?"

I glanced over at Sammy. A grin cracked on my face.

"What were you up to? It's been like ten minutes."

Sammy gave me a small smile and let out a weak chuckle.

"Well, the popcorn line was surprisingly long."

"Oh really?", I teased.

"Yes really!"

I chuckled, then patted the seat beside me.

"Just sit your ass down already. The movie's about to start."