Sand Sirens

I knew the risks I was taking when I left. I knew to heed the warnings about travelling alone in the desert. I knew what I was doing was dangerous. I just didn't fully want to believe it.

There are old legends surrounding the desert plains from travellers who made it out alive. Of something monstrous- a not quite woman who lurks beneath the sand, waiting for her prey to wander into her path. There are discrepancies between stories- some report true beauty in its purest undiluted form, a modern-day angel sent from above to wreck chaos. Others talk of a horror story come alive, of walking the dunes and feeling a clammy hand reach up from the sand and grip your ankle.

The stories all have one thing in common. You don't make it out alive unless she wants you to.

As I pack worn clothing into a backpack, I think about these stories, so well known and frequently recited since birth. Every person in this town knows the legends of the sand sirens and has been warned frequently about the dangers of wandering too far into the desert. I'm soon to cast away the cautions and embark on a journey through the minefield of the wastelands, jeopardising life and limb. And for what? For the chance to become the person I've always known I am.

This is a small town. Everyone knows everyone and because of that, it's hard to hide. Especially when you have something to hide.

I'm not ashamed of who I am. I just know that others wouldn't agree. I can't be myself here and leaving means freedom, means liberty, means being true to myself and I'm willing to risk it all to have it all.

Telling people I'm leaving would mean explaining, and so I find myself creeping out of my parents house under the cover of evening gloom, clutching my backpack close to my chest. It contains a change of outfits, practical yet feminine- things I would never have dared to wear in public here- a makeshift tent and sleeping bag stolen from my parent's attic, and enough food and water for me to survive the three-day trek across the sand dunes. That and my savings are the only things I'm taking into my new life. New life, new name, new me.

Tessa. The name fills my mouth like bubble-gum, sticky sweet. Tessa is who I've always wanted to be, who I feel comfortable as, who I want to lead out my life being.

It's cold. That's the first thing that hits me. It's always so warm in the day, sun beating down on the ground but now there's a cool breeze and I'm thankful for the warm heavy weight of my jacket.

Travelling at night is even more stupid and dangerous than crossing the deserts in the day alone but I need to take this risk. The pay-out will be worth it if I survive and honestly, a life spent is hiding is not a live worth living anymore.

I'm barely half a mile across the desert when I begin to feel it. It's almost imperceptible but the darkness and the quiet makes it seem more intense. There's a slight shift to the sand as I walk, the grains moving under my feet, instilling a feeling of dread in me. I can hear slithering from below me and my heart begins to beat a drum roll in my chest.

I'm walking faster, trying to move quicker than whatever is underneath me. Without warning, the sand beneath me gives way and I trip, exactly at the same time as something grips hold of my ankle. I fall forwards, too terrified to even scream. At first, I keep my eyes screwed shut, not wanting or daring to bear witness to the thing still holding fast to my foot but then it releases and I open them instinctively.

It's dark but what I do see is part beautiful, part horrifying. A long blackened and scaled tail petering into tattered fins. A mess of dark hair. Skin, almost the exact colour of the golden desert sand. And a pair of glittering onyx eyes which stare back into my own brown ones with an intensity which stops my already faltering breath.

I make eye contact with this monster lying half submerged in the sand and feel simultaneously appalled and intrigued. Here is the stuff of so many legends, laid out in front of me. What interests me is the stillness of the creature. It remains not touching me but instead seems to be watching, waiting for my next move. I make to stand and it leers up, using its tail like a muscle to support it as it rises to my height. There's an aura of fear surrounding me, all the tales of men who never made it out alive circling my head but something about this being is captivating. I choose to trust my instincts and bow my head to it and, to my surprise it bows back.

"Tessa." It rasps.

I'm in shock. I have never spoken that name aloud to anyone- only chose it for myself several months ago.

"Or would you prefer Joshua?" It asks, laughing; a grating sound which causes goose bumps to bloom up and down my arms.

I silently shake my head, too stunned to speak. How does it know me? I'd be shocked to hear it speak my birth name, Joshua, but for it to know my chosen name is both terrifying and relieving. It's ridiculous but I feel validated- this creature knows me. The real me. I don't have to hide and it feels like an omen to the beginning of my new life- the one I've risked everything for to start.

"You do not run from me."

I can't tell if this is a statement or a question so decide to stay quiet.

"I can smell the fear on you yet you do not flee. Why?"

So that was definitely a question. How am I supposed to answer something like that?

"How do you know my name?" I decide to answer its question with my own. I'm as good as dead anyway; if it chose to I would be no match for the razor blade claws erupting from its hands.

"I see a person's true heart. I am a siren of the desert, I seduce and destroy those who are not worthy. Those legends instilling fear into you are the truth. I have killed before. You however, are safe. I do not harm women and children, and only men who have committed great crimes of the soul are in danger from me."

Woman? This creature recognises me for who I am and in this, there is the hugest sense of easing terror. Everything I have been running from- my birth name, my assigned gender, the person I knew I never was- is relinquished in this meeting. I have the strangest sense that this is my life beginning afresh.

Without warning, the monster- although can I really call it that? - takes my hand.

"Tessa you are safe. I am the harbinger of truth and you have done nothing that means you should fear me."

With that, it presses a kiss to my forehead and retreats, sinking back in on itself before diving forwards into the sand and slowly slipping beneath the surface of the desert. As I blink, it disappears. I only see the flash of scales as they vanish into the ground. The earth trembles, sand grains shifting once again and then nothing, just silence.

The sun is coming up. Time seems to have passed differently in that meeting, as if we were suspended in another dimension. Either way, I am now free to continue walking. Heading towards my new life, I trust my instincts once again and do not look back.

There are old legends in this new town, from travellers of the desert who made it out alive. Of something terrifying but beautiful. A protector, sent from the earth to guide lost wanderers back on to their path.

I speak to no one of my experience but listen to the tales and instead of horror, feel comfort in the fact others have been where I have been, have walked where I have walked.

I am Tessa, and this is my story.