Felix loves boys but he hates that. He tries to appear as a confident gay but he is just a broken boy inside who can't manage to forget all the hate he used to receive because of who he was and still is...
Felix wants help.
[⚠️Warning⚠️] Dark thou...
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Felix POV
I hate being gay.
That's the sad truth.
Why can't I just be normal? I mean... My parents are maybe right. It's not okay to like boys when you're a guy. Why can't I just be attracted to girls as any other boys do?
My parents always asked me if I was in love with Suzy. I acknowledged that she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen but I never felt attracted to her nor to any other girls that I know. All the boys in my class want to go out on a date with her. But I don't.
What is wrong with me?!
For me, she's just a very good friend of mine, but nothing more.
< 8:45pm >
I was sitting on my bed like I always do when dark thoughts decide to come to mess me up. I never understood why I'm gay. Probably never will at this point.
I never accepted who I was. I always lied to myself, telling myself that I just wasn't attracted to anybody. That one day I will come across a beautiful girl and fall in love with her. But since this year, since I turned 18yo, my brain was confused. And deep inside I always knew... I liked boys. And sadly now, I think I've fallen in love... With a guy.
< 9:32pm >
(1) Message from Binnie hyung
Great. Right when I was thinking about him, this couldn't get worse... My crush is now texting me.
It's not that I hate talking to him because who hate talking to their crush? No. It's just that right now I'm not in a good mood to talk with him.
Binnie hyung
Hii! Did you do the homework in physic for tomorrow?
Felix
Yes. Just wait I'll send it to you.
Binnie hyung
Thank you so much! I didn't understand a single word the teacher said... It's not like I ever did...
Felix
No problem
Changbin isn't in my physic class because he is older than me but still asks for help. Whipped as I am, of course, I help him. I'm not very good at school but I would accept anything to be close to him. Well, not really anything but you get what I mean.
Binnie hyung
Are you okay? Seems like you aren't since you didn't reply with any kind of your weird-ass emojis like you always do... I'm kind of worried tbh
Felix
Oops sorry! Didn't mean to ^^' Guess I'm just really tired, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Of course, I lied. Because If I didn't, how could I explain myself? Tell him I'm gay? He knows it. Everyone knows.
What I don't want to tell him is that I hate being gay. Everyone thinks I'm fine with it because I don't want pity from people and I guess I try to trick myself so that I can be a little happier when I'm with my friends. With Minho, I gained some confidence... At home it's... Different. When I'm alone outside, it feels like everybody is judging me and it fuxks me up.
My dad always told me that boys don't cry and that they have to deal with their problems on their own. I learned the lesson. One time I tried to explain the anxiety I had with a "friend" at school. Never again...
Felix
Here you go (*^▽^*) *3 images attached*
Binnie hyung
Don't know what I would do without you! Thanks, man!
Felix
No problem hyung :D
Binnie hyung
Are you coming with us tomorrow? Promise you it will be fun!
Felix
Who's us?
Binnie hyung
You didn't check the group chat, did you? You really should work less you know? I know I just asked you to do homework for me but...
Well, Chan invited the 7 of us to his house tomorrow
Felix
Oh right! I just checked ^^ Sure, I'm in! As long as Jeongin is here I'm always ready!
Binnie hyung
Right.
Okay then see you tomorrow, yeah?
Felix
See ya my favorite hyung of all time ( ˘ ³˘)♥
Binnie hyung
Eww, why are you so extra now?
Felix
Seems like you were jealous when I mentioned Jeonginie (^▽^)
Binnie hyung
Why should I be? You two look cute together. We Stan cute brother like relationships!
Felix
Who has stolen Changbin's phone? Please give him back!
