Felix loves boys but he hates that. He tries to appear as a confident gay but he is just a broken boy inside who can't manage to forget all the hate he used to receive because of who he was and still is...
Felix wants help.
[⚠️Warning⚠️] Dark thou...
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Felix POV
It hurts so much.
You know? Feeling like you want everything to end but at the same time, you don't. Feeling like you're useless but still wants to give it a try, at least one last time.
Sometimes I want to tell my parents that I'm living for good this time. But something tells me that I shouldn't.
My existence hurts.
All those dark thoughts... Will I get rid of them one day? Please.
< 8:12pm >
Next day. Same shit.
To be fair, I really want to call him. I really want to tell him everything. But if I do, how will I keep this fake smile on? Lying is keeping me alive.
Changbin hyung is such a cute friend. I know people may think he's not but trust me he is the cutest person I know. Well, then there's Jeongin. Jeongin is like my little brother and I could do anything to make him happy. Same goes for Changbin. The only difference is that I want US to be happy. I know that's stupid to think I can be with a guy one day. Being gay is so hard. I need to fall in love with a guy. Pray that he is also gay. Then pray that he likes me too. And the worst part is to pray that I will be able to be with him one day.
Being in love with someone is easy for straight people. You fall in love and if your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend, then you won! Congratulations!
Being gay means that your parents will never accept the fact that you found your soulmate, even if you tell them that you know that it's the love of your life. Even if you think they accept it, deep inside they wanted you to be straight so you could have kids and blablabla...
We all know the story, right? Well, I would love to be straight. If only I had the choice...
My grandparents think that it's curable. Thanks, grandma but it's not like a stomach. I'm not sick if that's what you're worried about. But thanks for checking.
My aunt thinks it's not normal because the Bible said this and that... If the Bible said that chocolate is a sin well too bad I would still eat it because it's the best thing in the world (after Changbin). (And dogs). (And maybe chicken too).
Last time, a friend of my parents, that I don't even know that well, told them that I was just going through a phase because of teenage years. Basically, for him, I was just trying to follow a movement. Yeah right. I would follow a movement by risking to be insulted, beaten, abused, just because I find it entertaining? So many people think that way when really I just want to be able to be who I am and love myself.
It's not because today people are more confident to tell the world their sexual orientation that there's more homosexuals or bisexuals or any other sexual orientations. We used to get killed not long ago, you know that? Dumbass. And some of us are still being killed or tortured for who they love.
