Dear diary,
Aj is completely upset with me. I tried to call her to apologize but she wont answer any of my calls. I tried to text her and she tells me that she doesn't feel like talking to anyone. I jokingly texted "but im not just anyone". she replied with "yeah, I used to believe that."
I didn't know what else to say to her. I wanted a family, I wanted kids, but I fel like Aj was moving too fast for me. I was still a student, there is no way in hell im able to afford having a kid right now, let alone a newborn baby. I felt ashamed of myself for how I handle the whole situation. the day after she had told me the news, I tried to call her to meet with her, but she had already taken a flight back home.
I was contemplating... I was contemplating on flying back for Christmas break just to spend some time with her and talk about things. I don't think i'd be with her and the baby, but I can be there to support her as much as possible. id help her when she needs me but nothing in the form of that sort of relationship that she wants.
I think I might just do it. I think i'll start planning for it now, taking a flight back home to spend Christmas back home with AJ. I really do miss my best friend. I really do miss all the good times we used to have. it would be nice to spend some time with her and maybe try to talk things over with the baby situation..
I feel like she needs me but shes too mad at me to tell me so. i'd be mad at myself too if I was in her shoes. I just wish she would have talked to me first before going through with what she had done. I wish things would have been executed a bit differently, but it wasnt, so now we just have to move forward and work on what we have now.
AJ, im so sorry... I miss you so much.
i'm coming home soon.
I promise.
