Dear Diary,
It's been two months since AJ dropped her pregnancy news on me. She's still upset with me and wont reply to my text messages or answer any of my phone calls. I figured now would be a good a time as ever to go home for the holidays to try and fix things with her. I haven't told anyone that I was coming home. I wanted to surprise AJ but I feel like she still wouldn't be too happy to see me.
I felt so bad for how things played out between us. I wish I had handled things better. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. My grades aren't as well as they should be and all my artwork comes out looking like shit. I really need to gain communication with AJ again. I know my motives sound really selfish right now but I really do care about her. I know that I was so hard on her and i want to talk to her again. I miss being able to spend time with her and I know that I keep saying the same things and each time it comes out it just sounds like a bunch of bullshit. I do care about her. maybe just not in the same way she wants me to care about her.
I want to believe those days are over. I'm grown now and I have other things I need to worry about. I feel like I cant be held down by a baby. and technically... TECHNICALLY, I didn't agree to this whole baby plan. but if this is what AJ wants, then i can always support her on this decision.
It's not that I dont want a baby, but my life has just begun. I still have so many things I want to do before settling down to have a family. I want to finish uni and graduate. I want to get a job that I'd enjoy doing. I dont know, part of me feels like something is going on with AJ. Another part of me feels like AJ might be doing such rash things to get my attention. I dont understand why she couldnt just text me and talk to me.
What the fuck is going on in your head, AJ?
