glass shreds stuck on my skin like the thorns of your love shredding my heart piece by piece.
black and blue bruised scattered all on my thighs. on my stomach. on my neck. every part of me that i could possibly cover.
last night,
you were too drunk to function and yet,
you were stable enough to break down all my defenses i had build up in years.
the torn white shirt stained with your beer. the long forgotten shorts laying on floor with broken buttons. the necklace you gifted me on our very first date was now stained with blood prints of my neck. my golden socks were crumbled like my inner self.
in between these sliced up pieces of me,
there was me, lying on the white tiles with tears in eyes and fears in my mind.
with blood running on my thighs and hand prints tattooed all across my neck.
with the bruises scraped all over my skin with no escape.
and there was you,
settled on a fluffed up bed with one hand holding your mistress. your alcohol.
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soon, the sun rose.
i stood with wobbling feet and pain shooting in every bone that made me.
stepping into my bathroom, the voice within reminded me to close the door softly as we didn't want you to wake up with a jolt. with a itch in your hand to straighten me.
i stared at my reflection and
try to remember when it actually looked pretty enough for you to caress my cheeks and tell me you loved me and not scar the rosiness it held with glass shreds
try to remember when you stayed home with me tracing my freckles instead of getting high on toxicity.
try to remember when your hands intertwined with mine to make love instead of pinning my wrists above me and plunging my insides with poison i could never survive.
try to remember when there was only love in this relationship and not panic attacks.
alas,
the memories got clouded by the black smoke you sprayed on my face everyday. every night.
as i painted a fake smile wondering if today would be the same?
