we lied on the sidewalk of our street with glitter in your mind and smoke in mine.
your fingertips danced into my palms as you declared your mere infatuation into love with such calm.
the glint in your eyes questioned my blank stare.
the sun-brilliance smile on your cherry lips tried to form constellation in the black hole of my tainted feelings.
but sweetheart,
you were so innocent and pure.
you knew what was it like to breathe love but didn't know how to drown loving me.
you didn't know what was it like to bind me in the cage of your arms when my inner devil tried to writhe with self hate, destroying me.
you didn't know how my guilt laced eyes would bore into yours every time your fingers would trace the red lines tattooed on my wrists and thighs, burning with agony.
you didn't know if i would be still be breathing oxygen with rusted lungs after your good nights and sweet dreams?
you didn't know how the moon wept at my late nights talks and how the sun prayed that i would wake up again without melancholy thoughts.
so,
no darling.
tonight, as you walk home alone,
don't question where you went wrong but try to understand why i was right all along.
for maybe,
if my breaths wouldn't beg for you to stay;
if my calloused heart wouldn't try to join with yours;
you wouldn't blame me later for destroying the daffodils of your blooming mind with my shovel of sadness and dejection.
you wouldn't blame me for turning your gold and silver world into black and grey like mine.
