Emotions

He never thought his life could be shattered by a mere phone call; but life had been throwing so many daggers his way in the recent months that he couldn't really call it unexpected.

His father, Benny Severide, the man who inspired him and pushed him to become the best firefighter he could be, was dead. Gone. Sure, he hadn't always been the biggest fan of Benny, hell, sometimes he even hated the man; but that didn't mean his death hadn't affected him. The thing that surprised him was how much it affected him. It was as though the world as he knew it had been pulled through a black hole and incinerated everything he had come to know and love.

Kelly had never been good at dealing with his feelings, he had Benny to thank for that. He had always been told to "man up" or "grow a pair" when he started showing even the slightest sliver of emotion. "Emotions are a weakness" he'd tell him, "you're a Severide, we aren't weak." Maybe that's why his father had up and left without as much as a goodbye, leaving a fifteen-year-old Kelly to try and pick up the pieces of his broken and bruised mother. God, his parents had really done a number on him, hadn't they?

The normally stoic and light-hearted firefighter lay collapsed and incapacitated on his sofa, a bottle of beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other as he absentmindedly flicked through the channels. Truth is, he didn't care what was playing, he just couldn't stand the inevitable, mind-rotting silence that would swallow him whole without it.

A knock at the front door of his apartment tore him away from his thoughts; the ones he unsuccessfully fought to keep out for the time it took to walk from the cacoon he had created on the sofa to the front door no more than fifteen feet away.

Taking a deep breath, he reached to open the door; the cold metal of the handle biting into his palm as he twisted it.

Stella Kidd, holding up a DVD and a bag of Chinese takeout greeted him; a slight, sympathetic smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.

"Hey Kel." She said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

He didn't reply, instead taking a step back to give her room to pass the threshold into his apartment.

She placed the takeout and DVD on the counter and turned back to face him, "we haven't seen you at work for a while," she told him, a hint of questioning I her voice. "Chief said you were taking a few days furlough, but it's been almost two weeks. I'm worried about you, we all are."

"You don't need to worry about me, none of you do. I'm fine." The lieutenant retorted with a sharpness that he nor Stella were used to.

"Bullshit. You're not fine. You're a mess; your breath reeks of alcohol and you look like you haven't taken a shower or changed clothes in weeks." She said, emulating the sharpness he had in his retort in her voice.

He let a puff of air to mimic a laugh. "You came all the way to my house to berate me for my appearance? Come on Stella, you can do better than that." He could feel the anger he had been holding down since his father's death slowly creep to the surface.

She rolled her eyes and took a step forward, "You know what Kelly? At least I've got the balls to face my problems instead of letting them rot me away from the inside. You're in pain; you don't have to tell me that – but you shouldn't have to go through it alone. No one should be expected to do that." Her brown eyes met his blue ones as she took a breath before continuing, "needing help doesn't make you weak, contrary to the popular beliefs of males. You aren't weak for having emotions, Kel."

Tears that have been fighting to fall for the past two weeks stung the back of his eyes as he turned away from her, still not wanting her to see him break.

"It's okay to not be okay," she took another step forward and cupped his cheek in her palm, turning him to face her. "talk to me, Kel. I'm worried about you and I can't just sit on the sidelines while I know you're in pain. That's not who I am."

He couldn't hold them back any longer, the burning behind his eyes had been too much for too long. So finally, after so many days of suffering in his own mind-breaking silence, he let his tears fall.