Damned liars

TWO

HI.

GOD. THIS CHAPTER IS SO SPECIAL TO ME. SO FUCKING PERSONAL.

AND I'M SCARED THAT NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND, I HOPE AT LEAST ONE OF YOU DOES.

I REALLY HOPE SOMEONE CAN FEEL LESS ALONE AFTER READING THIS.

I'VE BEEN SO SAD FOR SO LONG AND THAT JUST CHANGED COMPLETELY MY VIEW ON EVERYTHING, EVEN ON SADNESS ITS SELF.

NEW YORK HOLDS SUCH AN IMPORTANT PLACE IN MY HEART IS RIDICULOUS.

OKAY.

I JUST WANTED TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS CHAPTER IS THE WAY IT IS.

"Another drop of poison slowly sinkin' in"
-Alec Benjamin

SELFISH AND GREEDY

"You did good tonight"

He said with a wistful sigh while she watched him across the mirror, standing behind her while she took out her earrings. She gave him a soft smile in return, sweet and simply and rare, one he saw not often enough and only when she was either exhausted or lost deeply in her thoughts. As she turned and put the diamonds' encrusted ovals in his hand, eyes clouded with a sheer veil of melancholy, he knew it was the latter.

It didn't happen often to see her that way, truthful and somewhat bare.
It had been a few months since he last saw her vulnerable and fragile with big hazel eyes shining with real emotions. It didn't look like that girl existed anymore. The glint in her eyes and light edge in her laugh had gone lost along the way and now it seemed as if it was already too late to get them back. He did not know how it happened, when or most importantly why, but he knew it did. Something must had happened. Something tragic and heartbreaking must had happened for her to become this way, for her to leave that joyful girl alone to die.
He needed to believe that because only that way he could shield his weak mind from the ocean of guilt that threatened to drown him.
Maybe it had been him, maybe slowly but surely, kiss after kiss, rose and rose, he had got what he wanted, he had broken her. Maybe it had been him who stole her light out of envy and tainted her out of greed.

It didn't matter. As she closed his hands around the earrings and planted a featherlight kiss on his lips he knew this was all the vulnerability he was going to get.

Damned him for wanting more. Damned him for taking everything and still believing he didn't take it all. Damned him for always asking more than enough.

Damned her for giving it to him.

There had always been something about living in a big city. The crowed places, the constant traffic, people all around you and so close to you and yet always permanently undoubtedly distant, always going on with their lives and never looking back at you and then the lights. Oh those lights, always shining and flickering like fireflies in a forest of skyscrapers and cramped buildings.

But New York, New York was a whole another story because as she sat on a balcony in Brooklyn among the millions beating hearts, all she could her was the slow burn of the sigarette between her bony fingers.
The wind consumed slowly the stick, the smoke dancing across the polluted air in a slow toxic dance she could not help but be entranced about.

She could have been watching the sunset colouring the magnify skyline of Manhattan and yet there she was, staring at a dying sigarette and dangling her bare legs in the chilly March breeze.

The cigarette was slowly turning into nothing. It was slowly disappearing without her inhaling, without her doing anything. She had only lit it and yet that was all that was needed for the stick to turn into ashes. She gave it life and at the same time death. Its beginning was just the beginning of the end.

Could her life turn out to be the same? Would it? Was it already? A slow and steady burn towards death where she was able to do nothing but watch? Would she turn into ashes just by giving into the wind?

As that thought crossed the young girl mind she quickly brought it to her lips inhaling a long toxic drag she hated she loved. But as the nicotine crawled into her blood and a sense of calm overtook her she knew it was better that way. At least it had died for something, it had made someone's life better, for a second it had a purpose, it made a difference.

Isn't that was life was all about after all? To bring a change into somebody else's existence? To find a reason to be? Are we all living to be remembered by dying beings? Or are we dying just to be remembered by them?
Maybe we really are just like a sigarette. Toxic collateral damage in others' search for happiness.

-We are all looking for something and we are selfish and greedy and desperate for it. Never forget that.-

Her words echoed in the young girl's mind like a cruel mantra she didn't want to be true and at the same time couldn't help but believe.
They never left her alone, in all those doubtful moments and tricky crossroads she was there with her, clouding her mind and guiding her to God knows where.

As his sultry tone reached her, she knew also this time she wasn't going to take a decision by her self.

"Baby" He said in a whisper

"Baby we have to go"

As she regarded him with an icy glare she saw him shrink back, annoyance leaving him in waves and sorrow clouding his eyes.

"Come on baby, don't be like that. You know we have to." He sighed in desperation

"What to you say about Vegas?" He said with a cheerful tone, trying a different tactic to get the girl to agree.

The truth is she could do nothing but, however that didn't stop her from shrugging in defiance, refusing to meet his eyes and let him take her in his embrace. She did not want to leave New York.
However she knew she wasn't one of the lucky ones who got what they wanted, she rarely did. So reluctantly she nodded her head while giving him a tight smile.

"Yeah, that's okay. We can live tomorrow if you want, I just want to spend another night here. "

He watched her, dangling her tanned long legs and staring out the window, a look of longing clouding her features. She looked sad but happy to be feeling that way, as if there was something incredibly magical about the quivering lips and shaky hands, something exquisite in the feeling of drowning in a ocean of tears.
He looked at her once again, startled by the soft genuine smile gracing her lips and by the new tattoo decorating her back. It was red and elegant and poetic. Just like her.

Being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy

While lost in her features and in the wise words of Edgar Allan Poe dancing on her skin, he did too.

HERE YOU GO.
DAMN IM SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW.
ALMOST AS MUCH AS THOSE TWO😂
LOVE YOU LOTS❤️