"Like honey
lies laced his lips,
and like a bee
I kept on coming back
for more.
Oh I knew,
they were gold plated
broken promises.
Still they shined so bright,
tasted so sweet,
I couldn't stop my tongue
from licking his honey dripping lips
clea...
THIS IS WHAT I END UP DOING AFTER I DRINK TOO MUCH.
I WRITE ANIUT THINGS THAT HURT TOO MUCH.
THIS CHAPTER IS TRIGGERING AS HELL. FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS JUST KNOW THERE'S A WAY OUT. ALWAYS. SOMETIMES ALL THE STRENGTH YOU NEED IS WITHIN YOU, SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO ASK FOR A HAND, SOMETIMES YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF TO SAVE YOU. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT.
OKAY. HERE WE GO.
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"I wish I could do exactly what you did." -Jessie Reyez
A whisper. A shed tear. A trace of hurt. The slipping of a mask of indifference. Silence. Guilt. Anger. So much guilt. Tears. Sobbing. Trembling. Grasping. Falling. And then silence.
He was crying. Why did he always end up crying? Sobbing and holding and asking her for baci? Why was he the one asking for a hand? Why was he the one falling? Why was he screaming? Why couldn't she have a bit of silence?
"I'm sorry."
Silence.
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"I love you" he said in a whisper, his hands caressing the bruises on her legs.
"You know that right?"
She knew he did. He said that every night before going to bed as if he could not sleep before those awful words left his mouth. He said it every time she had to go on a job as if those words freed his mind from the guilt he felt in letting her go. He said every time she came back with bruises colouring her tanned skin as if those words would take her pain away. He said that every time she cried but never when she smiled.
She knew he did. It seemed as if he was able to convince himself with that lie. Or maybe he really did. Maybe that was what he really believed love to be like. Toxic and cruel and demanding. Maybe that was all that he really could give.
-Some people are greedy and want others to love them more than they love their own selves. And some people are weak and need others to love them because they don't love themselves-
She did not know if he was greedy or weak. Maybe he was both. She was neither. The love she had for herself was enough for her.
"I know you do, baby" she replied an edge of annoyance colouring her voice. She already knew what was coming.
"Do you? Do you love me too?"
A sigh left her lips as they touched his.
The kiss was slow and sweet. It smelled of flowers and tasted like honey, leaving butterflies and bees in its wake. His heart fluttered and stung at the same time, a sharp pain dulling the wave of delight. The combination of pain and pleasure shut all his doubts and need for answers, at the end of the day he was the one who hold her in his arms, he was the one sharing a bed with her. He had her. So why did he feel like something was missing? Why did he feel like that wasn't enough? Why did he feel like she wasn't his? Why didn't he feel wanted nor needed?
Because she wasn't. She wasn't his, She always had been her won and her own only and she was all she wanted and all she needed.
