The lost and the find

Chapter 4: The beacon of light.

'Show us the straight way. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy grace. Those who is not wrath and go astray.' - Al - Qur'an, chapter 1.
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As soon as Tayyaba entered her room, she dropped off her bag on the side table and it took no longer for her to take a bath and change her clothes. She came out of the bathroom, with the water drops on her skin and her hair covered with a towel. She was  debilitated and was craving for sleep, badly. She reposed herself to the bed and slept.

2:49 AM. She saw the time on her mobile phone right after she woke up to the dream. 'Crap! I didn't offer Isha (Night prayer.)'
She, in a hurry, stood up from the bed, did wudu and took the prayer mat out. She offered the prayer; the dim lights, the broken heart, that seek for guidance, the hopes, the mind which was looking for the beacon, of light.

After she offered the raka'ats, she crossed out her legs, with her back touching the sofa and her hands raising upwards, to appeal. She started muttering it all out. For what she has been craving is now what she has been brought. With the lips shivering and heart palpitating, she articulated her first word.

'God, where have you been through out these years? I was seeking for you, you know this. Allah, please help me sort out this all. Help me to become a better person, a better Muslim ya Allah. I seek for your forgiveness and your guidance.'

She was crying. Her heart was pounding. Her hands, shivering. Her lips, shuddering and her eyes, weeping.

'Oh, my dear God. Indeed you are the Glorious of them all.
Why has this been a mystery? O God.
Why didn't you guide me before? O God.
I promise now to be a better Muslim. O God.
I promise now to follow each command of yours, O God.'

She kept crying. She kept crying. With every tear falling onto her face, it was gleaming more. She was looking like a luminous star, as if she was a pearl. A diamond. She was beautiful. Her eyelashes long, curled and wet. Her eyes, black. The scarf was aiding more to her seductiveness. She was charming.

It was the first time she had cried her heart out. She had told Allah all her doubts. She had told Him what she has fought.
...
I think that's the problem with humans. They keep bearing it all until it reaches their maximum point. They keep themselves suffocated. They don't cry. They don't let it out of their hearts until that point hits them where they can't control their emotions, their feelings. That maximum point. Then,they let it all out of their hearts. They cry. They can't control their emotions. The helplessness. The emptiness. The dizziness.

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'Help me in becoming a better Muslim, God. Show me your blessings and your glory. And indeed, you are the Glorious of them all.'

She ended up her prayers, folding her prayer mat, she stood up. She wiped away the tears from her face as if wiping them from face would wipe them from the heart too. She washed her face away and looked at herself in the mirror as if nothing happened. As if she didn't cry her heart out last night. As if her heart has not been bleeding. As if she has not been broken. As is she was alright. As if she was nothing but a puppet.

...

The people in this world are weird, at least for me. They want to see you smiling and cheering and not crying and glooming. They want to see you happy, physically. They don't want to see your broken side. And you, you then don't want to cry in font of those people as if crying would make you weak.

...

Haunted by the people left away in the world.
Being, apparently, dramatic as I move up.
Faking smiles and forcing laughter to be the bright red bud.
Pretending as if we don't know what's inside us.
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Author's note: hey. Thank you for making it up till here. This means alot. Those of you who are following this, you guys mean alot.
Please do comment on how you guys like this chapter. This is out from my heart.
If you guys find any mistakes, kindly do comment. Thank you so much.
- Maidah.