See You on the Other Side | ✓

32 | Valentine's Day Part 1

"We breathe through the nose 'til the breath is gone and everything slows, everything's rose now." - James Blake + André 3000, Where's the Catch?

~~~

If Brielle hadn't kissed me, Valentine's Day was planned to be a good day. Actually, I wouldn't say it was planned since I didn't plan it. Avery suggested to watch a movie and eat at a restaurant, to which I obliged. Valentine's Day was not about to be extravagant because we did not have extravagant pockets.

As long as we were both happy, then I'd consider the holiday to be a success, but now I was getting tortured beyond belief. I knew I was going to have to compensate for my being lackluster. I was going to make Valentine's a non-half-ass event even if it killed me.

Ew, event.

When I got home from school, I immediately ran upstairs. I was looking all over the internet for likeable but inexpensive Valentine's Day ideas. I was finding out how much roses would cost, deciding whether to get balloons, and discerning through my money options.

I had about 300 dollars left of my Christmas money. I wasn't about squander what was left. The money's purpose was to ease a fraction of financial burdens I was about to be faced with in college. And 2/5 of it was used on Avery and online retail. If my grandma found out, she'd call me a fool.

Or maybe she'd understand it since she had been in love as a teenager once.

I thought about asking her for money. Then, I could buy something and not put a dent in my contracting amount of college money. Still, I didn't even know what I was going to buy. I didn't know if I wanted to go the stereotypical route or go the more unique route. Chocolate? A teddy bear? Roses?

Maybe I'll get the money first and think about gifts later, I thought.

I walked over to the master bedroom, hiding my true intentions. As soon as I saw my grandma, I knew my plan could no longer be carried out. She looked similar to how she looked on the day of my grandpa's funeral. In her hands were photographs of her and my grandfather. The only thing worse than mourning a person's death is mourning them twice.

She looked up from them, noticing that I'd walked in. "I thought I was over it all, but I've realized I'm not."

I sat down beside her, being physically by her side since I couldn't be emotionally there for her. I understood loss, but I could never mourn the loss of my grandpa. Not matter how much I tried, I couldn't comfort my grandma. All I could do was listen and hope that that'd be enough to help.

"I know, I know," I muttered in a voice slightly above a whisper. My grandma's green eyes were pained and tired.

"Yes, I know that he is gone. My brain has accepted that. What torments me is my heart. No matter what happened between me and him, I always knew he was in my heart. I think he forgot to take that with him."

Okay, that hurt. I didn't even like the guy and that hurt.

"He is in your heart and he always will be, but that's not a curse. It's a gift. Being left with nothing when someone dies is a curse, but that's not the case with you." I looked over to see that she was crying. She was shakily placing a cigarette between her lips and I knew she was going to light it, but this was not the way to confront her emotional problems.

I took the lighter from her. "Don't do it."

"Why not? Me and William used to smoke together. We did it together."

"And you ate together. You didn't smoke when he smoked around you. You remember when you actually quit?"

She nodded tearfully. "Yes, I do."

"And do you remember how grandpa died?"

She nodded again. Lung cancer took him and my grandma was getting too close to the red line in my opinion. She'd been smoking since she was a teen, but took a ten year reprieve. Now, she was smoking more than she ever had. Her lungs were caked in tar. I just knew it whenever she'd cough.

"Grandma, you can't keep doing this. You are going to die. I am going to lose you."

Saying it out loud, saying I am going to lose you out loud was surreal. I'd never put it into words. I'd never even thought about it. All I thought of and was scared of was the feeling of having something missing. For some reason, it took me months to finally put the pieces together; to finally admit that I was scared to lose my grandmother.

She looked up at me again, tucking away the pictures she'd held so tenderly in a drawer. "What'd you come in here for?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Well, you can see how I'm doing." She displayed a frail smile that seemed hard to form.

My grandma was in a dark place emotionally and I was flourishing mentally and emotionally. I felt like it wasn't fair. Life was unfair, and I knew that. I had been embracing that since I was seven. However, there was a way to make life a little more comfortable.

I went back to my room, and closed out of all of the Valentine's Day web results. Then, I went to my messages.

Me: just a question, do we have to do gifts today

Avery💕: you forgot didnt you😂

Me: no I remembered. But I forgot that I dont have a bunch of money

Avery💕: true so no you dont have to get me a gift

Me: did you get me anything

Avery💕: yeah but don't feel weird abt it. You pay for a lot now that I think about it

Me: okay just don't get mad

Avery💕: i have no reason to be mad dw

~~~

I pulled up in front of Avery's house. I walked up to the front door with a lump in my throat. I had a feeling I was going to fuck up my first Valentine's Day with her. When the door opened, her figure appeared.

She was wearing a tight dress that barely went past her hips. I wondered how she could even walk with an outfit that tight. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining.

"Oh, God," I mumbled, looking her up and down. Why the hell did God make me so sexually suggestive?

She grinned. "Clean thoughts, Adrian."

"I'm gonna be honest here. You're making that impossible by just existing."

"Well, maybe it's the same way for me," she casually mentioned as she walked past me to get to the car. My eyes were drawn to her.

Again.

I tried to fight the urge to be lusting after her, but it was too powerful. Even though she was about a foot from me, I was thinking about pulling her closer to me until close wasn't close enough.

From what she said, she must've been feeling the same way.

A/N

My last day of school is in four days so, expect more updates.