See You on the Other Side | ✓

17 | My Apologies, I Was Drunk

"It's all on thin ice, thin ice, thin ice." - James Blake, Are You in Love?

~~~

The house was just as grand as I remembered from Christmas. I never went to these type of parties because I mostly didn't know about them. I was way out of my comfort zone here, but as the old saying goes, "new year, new me."

I rang the doorbell and a random person opened it. With her body shivering from the cold, she invited me in.

I had been there for 2 seconds and I had already longed for the comfort of my bed. With the influx of people, it was difficult to see my cousin's face. She definitely knew a lot of people.

Most were teens around our age, but there were the occasional 20 and 21-year-olds who obviously peaked in high school. They were probably the ones to supply the intoxicating liquid in the red solo cups.

I looked at people doing ungodly things in the name of "leaving it in 2018." I averted my attention when my eyes naturally focused on moving bodies.

Oh God, just get a room!

After unwillingly staring at "active" people, I spotted my cousin. She was kissing some guy with dark dyed hair, but pushed him off of her as soon as she noticed me.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in?" Katelyn remarked.

The guy she was kissing leaned back on the sofa. He looked relaxed but also dazed. It was a wonder he could even see me.

"I'm here, now I can go home."

She leaned forward. "No, just relax a little. 2019, no negative vibes."

"That sounds like something an influencer would say."

"Well, they are living the life. That could be you if you would just chill."

Katelyn's cool reposed demeanor disturbed me. She was obviously under the influence of something and it wasn't air. I could see in her reddened eyes the dependence on whatever she had taken.

I stuck out like a sore thumb at this party and it was obvious that the attendants weren't the people I wanted to associate myself with. These weren't the people Katelyn was supposed to know.

God forbid the police be called and expose the hidden life of her. I imagined what my grandma would think if she saw me in this place full of attention-less attention seekers. Under the guise of the smoke that filled the room was the facades of many. Somehow, I wanted to be like them.

"If you're just gonna stand there, go make yourself useful," Katelyn said with her low eyes. She handed me a red cup with a few drops of liquid left in it.

I went over to the makeshift bar that my cousin created with stacked cardboard boxes and crates. On the stacked objects were bottles of alcohol. There was a variety to choose from, but based off of what was in the cup, she wanted Russian water.

I poured it into the cup carefully, but a drop or two was left on my finger. I licked it off and wondered why and how she would drink the stuff straight.

That was a point of pain I never wanted to reach in life.

Yet, somehow I found myself standing by the liquor. I didn't bother to look at the open bottle I eventually poured into my cup.

This was my "leave it in 2018" moment.

~~~

"Yooo, maybe you should lay off dude," Katelyn chuckled. She nudged me, causing me to take a step back. My balance was way off.