Taking The Long Way Home

Part 16 (part 1)

16.1 Taking the long way home.

"I really don't understand the point of this. The doctor did say I could walk."

"It's just hospital policy. You know how it goes."

"Well it's just that I've been here for so long... After all of it, you know... I thought it would be nice and celebratory if I could just, walk away from all of it."

"You are. You're just going to be wheeled away from 'all of it' just until the main entrance. After that we can walk all we want."

Maiyan was whining about the fact that she had to be discharged whilst sitting on a wheelchair. She had been fussing about it all morning an even going to the extent of asking several nurses that came by if she could be an exception. Of course all of them just smiled and went about their work as usual, giving a knowing nod to Nanase who rubbed her forehead in embarrassment.

"Maybe I could help you with some of that."

"No," Nanase softly rebutted. "Just sit still and I'll be done in a few minutes." They've been here so long that it felt foreign to be packing things up for home. This has been the longest stay out of all their hospital stays and Nanase had been so accustomed to where everything was, that it took her a whole hour to set her mind into packing mode. It was almost similar to moving to a new house, it seemed. You had to disorganize everything and then pack them in for transporting, had to clean everything out and leave things as they were when you first moved in. Being very careful and thorough as to not leave any trace behind.

She was folding the last batch of socks then, some of them now showing wear and Nanase considered just throwing them away instead of bringing them home with her. With a few small towels too, for that matter. Everything in that room reminded her of the hardships that is the months that've passed and frankly speaking, she wasn't enthusiastic about reliving all that pain. Shoving in the folded clothes into a duffel bag, she realized that she should've probably shopped for new garments since they were now too big for Maiyan as she's lost so much weight. But then again, Nanase wasn't even sure if this day would ever come. Things were looking so bleak that she had given up on everything. And now... Now suddenly everything was back to normal?

"We should probably do some shopping later." she said as she buzzed around the room looking for anything that she might have missed.

"I heard baggy fashion is the new look. It's winter anyway. With all those layers you'll probably force me to wear, I'll look like hippo either way." Maiyan chirped, trying to liven up the mood. Nanase looked up and crinkled a smile. Looking away again as she zipped a bag that looked like it was about to vomit its contents. She should've brought a bigger bag, she said to herself. She should've been better prepared for all of this. All this normality was eating at her somehow. Like it wasn't real. Like it was misplaced. Like she didn't deserve any of it. She hasn't had a proper conversation with Maiyan since she woke up, and she hasn't been able to look at Maiyan straight in the eyes either. Looking at how things were looking up, the normal reaction to all of this was supposed to be a romantic, blissful reunion. But why is it, that at this moment as she packs up to discharge her ailing wife that sadness is all that she can feel?

"Babe?" Maiyan's soft voice brought her back to earth. She turned to look at a face that was looking at her with worried eyes. A pair of dreary eyes in deep sockets surrounded by dark circles. Perched above defined cheekbones that appear fiercely sharp over pale sunken cheeks. "Babe? Are you okay...?" Maiyan asked again. Her body now slightly sitting forward on the chair in an attentive manner. Too much has happened over the course of a year. It's strange to think that her wife sitting across from her now is the same woman she fell madly in love with years ago. Nanase put down the bag and slowly walked towards Maiyan. Firmly taking her time to swallow the picture in front of her. Digesting the space in which she was in at the time. She carefully knelt down to level her face with Maiyan's and leaned in to take a proper look at her wife. It was the first time she's ever looked properly into Maiyan's eyes ever since the coma. And as she expected, those dark brown eyes were the same as ever, vibrant and loving, sincere and worried. But deep in those pupils were her reflection, a woman whose wits had been broken too many times and whose eyes were as empty as the void. It scared her. "Nanase... Is something wrong?" Oh, the voice of an angel calling her name. How she longed for this moment, during all those nights alone in bed, during all those nights crying herself to sleep. She had such an ordinary name, but coming out of Maiyan's mouth, her name seemed extraordinary. She was special and she was precious, to Maiyan at least. "Nothing's wrong." she said as she took Maiyan's hands in hers. She wondered if her wife was able to see through her aloof exterior. The coldness inside of her that has since been a loyal companion that gradually grew to be a part of her over the past few months. "I just...couldn't believe it, that's all. You, here. With me. It's almost like a miracle. Like a dream. A fantasy." Nanase said, changing the way she was holding Maiyan's hand, interlacing her fingers between Maiyan's. Even this moment of physical touch felt strange. Having to hold such warm hands in her palms, feeling a steady pulse at the wrists, caressing these animated fingers that tingled by the touch. They had color in them, still pale and frail looking, but they looked alive. "Well, it's not a dream. But it's indeed a miracle. We need a bit of magic in our lives sometimes." Maiyan said softly. Her voice was gentle and soothing, enveloping Nanase in this cocoon of reassurance. A symphony of love and sustenance, keeping her world spinning and her heart pumping blood. She didn't know how it was that she survived all those months without it, perhaps it was the hope and promise of hearing it again that was keeping her sane.

Maiyan tried to comfort her, "I don't know what this is about. Ever since I woke up, you've been...different. And I understand it's natural for you to be like this. I can think of a million different reasons, maybe all of them together at once, that made you this way. And oh how I wish I could just take them all away from you and turn back time." It was Maiyan who was holding Nanase's hands now, caressing them with her slightly shaking fingers. The stark contrast between Maiyan's pale skin and boney fingers to her healthy hands tore a wound in Nanase's heart. Making it hard not to shed a tear. "I really do, Nanase. You've done so much for me but I've done nothing but given you hardship and heartache." Maiyan continued, speaking as softly as she could. "But right now... Right now on this chair I can only say that I love you very much. I love you so much. I missed you terribly. I tried so hard to come back to you, and I did. And I was so happy when I opened my eyes to see you again. I was so happy I got a second chance to tell you how much I love you. I love you Nanase. You're my entire world."

They embraced immediately after that. Maiyan with the little strength she had, pulled Nanase into her arms as tightly as she could. And Nanase, although the wheelchair was making it awkward for her to reach, sprung herself up to reciprocate the hug. She was careful with her own strength, making sure not to crush Maiyan under her own weight. But it was difficult, as the minute she hugged her wife, she found herself hungry, craving for that long lost touch and affection that she thought she'd never feel again. Her hands quickly wrapped around Maiyan's waist, her fingers locked together in pledge to not let go and her face was brushing against the sweater Maiyan was wearing. Her wife smelt so good. And after that she rested her head on Maiyan's lap, with her arms still around her wife, afraid and territorial. She had no words. She had nothing to say. She was just too grateful and overwhelmed to say anything in return. It was as if everything was OK again, as if the world had finally start to spin her way, ceasing all the bad things in her life. With Maiyan silently patting her back, as gentle as a mother to a child, she was beginning to believe that maybe it was okay to trust again. It was okay to trust this reality in front of her, it was okay to trust her wife, and it was okay to trust herself again. They remained that way for a while until the nurse came in with finalized discharge forms, and both of them looked at each other with a smile as they begin to leave the hospital.

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