The First Queen *Sample Only*

Chapter 14

"You looked upset when the guard brought you back and your supper had only begun a few minutes ago. I wanted to make sure everything was alright. That he hadn't...hurt you." James whispered, like speaking quietly somehow made the situation any less dangerous.

"You need to get out of here, he'll come to my bedroom." I warned, but my heart thawed with his words. He wanted to make sure I was okay when I wasn't even sure if I could handle my own mental state. Still, the threat of the king coming to fulfill his promise was enough to make me panic. I knew it was improper to be alone with a man in my private chambers and if I was caught by my husband who had quite the temper already I wasn't sure how either of us would fare.

"He has gone to bed for the evening." James informed me. He sounded confident in his words.

And with that, knowing that my husband was not going to barge through the door and breed me like an animal or harm me or my favorite guard, I began to cry. At first it was soft and restrained. I placed my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound, knowing that it was inappropriate to behave in such away in front of the staff as royalty like myself should be more contained. And I didn't understand why I was so upset with King Archer and why I was so touched by James's small gesture. But when I heard James's footsteps draw closer to me and felt the bed sink under his weight I began to sob harder and louder, instinctively searching her him with my hands. I just needed to touch someone, needed that human contact more than I needed to breathe in that moment. And when I grabbed some part of his uniform I held on tightly and didn't let go.

"Queen Willow." James said awkwardly.

"Don't call me that." I blubbered out, "I don't want to remember that I'm the queen. I feel like a fool in royal clothing."

"Can you tell me what happened?" James requested.

The tension was seeping out of his body. He didn't seem to care that I was crying harder than I ever had in my life or that I was his superior and it was disgraceful for him to be in my room while I was by myself. He was just positioning himself on the bed, moving to a spot where I wouldn't have to reach so much to hold him and I gladly curled tighter against him. Part of me was still worried about the king, my husband, but I reminded myself that he had gone to bed and it was likely he would not bother himself with my emotions. The man I had married seemed to understand me less than my guard did and for once, that was a good thing, though it didn't make me feel much better.

"Nothing really happened." I confessed, feeling like a fool for saying it out loud. "I have been tricking myself for so long that when I confronted reality it was quite the shock."

I jerked a little in surprise when I felt a hand gently stroking my hair. It was an odd sensation at first, because no one had ever touched me like that before and my first thought was that he would yank on it as a punishment or warning because I had done something wrong. Clearly, my past as a slave had not abandoned me. But when I relaxed back against him and he continued to run his finger through my blonde strands I realized how good it felt. I could almost feel his warm brown eyes sweeping over my form in the dark, trying to assess my state.

"Your life has changed quickly, that would be hard on anyone." He validated.

And his words of confirmation set off an entire string of elaborate thoughts.

"I know that I should be so deeply grateful because of everything I have been given. And I am, truly. But I don't think anyone in this palace could understand the life I came from unless they lived it themselves. I had no friends, no siblings, I was unwanted by my own mother and the man who purchased me afterward always acted like I was a burden." I began ranting and I couldn't stop, but with James petting my hair and stroking my back I didn't feel I had to. "My only friend is a horse, which was a big part of the reason he came with me when I moved in. My sole purpose in life was to make sure none of the livestock was stolen in the night and my payment was enough food to get me through the next night. Yes, it was a hard miserable life, but at least I knew where I stood. I knew what the next day would bring and what the rest of my life looked like, even if it was bleak.