MiszUnderStood

Growing Up, and Moving On

Sometimes I just want to stop believing, but sometimes I wish I would altogether stop breathing, so I can see for myself, this thing that I believe in, and ask Him why He takes the things I feel I need and, justify it by telling me, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, and if I feel weak to hold on just a little bit longer..

Hold on to heartache because in the end I'll be a better person, and after all my trials and tribulations, I'll have learned another lesson, about who I really am, and the reason of my existence, and at what moment was I no longer seen as an adolescent, was it, when I lost my parents? Or when I hit 18? Or when I made grown up decisions, or lost my virginity?..

When I was in the delivery room giving birth to my first child, when I broke someone's heart, when I never walked that mile, in her shoes, or her heels, never thinking I'd get caught, feeling sorry for all the pain that I shouldn't have brought, upon someone who was more to me than just a friend, because of something or someone that I'd never see again, except now we're stuck together until my baby is a man..

When I walked into the arms of a stranger, and put my trust in a man, who took sixty percent of what earned, put forty in my hand, giving up my self-worth, for money I didn't know how to spend, then that man walked away, the one I put my trust in, so I did it myself, and when he found out said that I owed him, I didn't think about my future or consequences to come, that I would still hold on to the burden, even after I was done..

When I made the decision, that it was 'just a single kiss', but turned out it ruined my first real happiness and bliss, when I should have known, or maybe not, I was still just a kid, though I never said sorry, I still fought for happiness, but I didn't have the strength to really speak my mind, acting as though, my thoughts were color blind..

Written August 1, 2015