2:46am
A feeling that you just can't overcome.
A feeling that grabs you by the neck and holds you until you can't breathe and you're struggling to hold back the tears.
One that completely engulfs you to the point where you feel nothing, but loneliness.
You wake up and it already encompasses your mind. The evil thoughts just tugging at the back of your head. You hope that today will be a better day than the last. Your friends will maybe text you, maybe you'll have someone to sit with. Just maybe.
You head on to your daily tasks. With your music playing in your headphones, you brace yourself and put your best face on. By 11am, you've already had multiple fights with yourself that you're being irrational, but convince yourself that you're not. Those people can put the same effort you do into texting, those people don't have to shun you or treat you like an outsider. Yet they do.
Loneliness is scary. It gets you thinking. It nags at you that you're alone, rubs it in that everyone hangs out, but you. And fucking social media doesn't help the fact. It reminds you just how fucking lonely you are and how your friends don't fucking like you and no one will.
They call it depression, but you don't want to believe that. You know what depression is and can be. You're not that bad, you think to yourself. You're just a little sad. You wake up sad and can't shake the bad thoughts, no matter how busy you are or how many people you're surrounded by. Being with family used to help, but it doesn't anymore. All you want to do is sleep. Sleep is amazing, it re-energizes you. It cleanses your mind of the daily impurities and builds you up for a new day. You go to sleep, saying, "Tomorrow will be better." And maybe it will be better.
Until you wake up the next day and those thoughts are already nagging you. All you can hope for is to come home at night and sleep or lie down. You yearn for when you can lie back down and forget about the bad thoughts for a few hours while you rest your mind.
