Chapter 12

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I was running around the house like a mad woman.

Despite I had over two hours until people actually started showing up to the funeral home, I was rushing around to get ready.

"Goddamn it!" I hiss, throwing another countless bobby pin into my bag.

"Babe.." Dylan knocks on the doorframe.

"My hair isn't working!" I breathe quickly. I need to calm down though. Hyperventilating will solve nothing.

"Carter it looks fine."

"But I don't want it to look fine!" I hiss.

"Carter," he places a hand on my shoulder. "Baby it's okay."

"It's not okay." I run an iron over my hair for the millionth time.

"Carter please, you need to relax."

"I can't! I can't do my hair! I can't relax! I can't save lives! I can't do anything right.." I flop on the toilet.

"Carter no.."

I sniffle, blinking away a break down.

"It's not your fault."

"It will always be my fault." I shake my head.

The front door opens and Dylan and I peak out.

It's just his mom.

"Can you hear what they're saying?" I ask Dylan.

"I don't want to." He shakes his head.

"Well I do!"

"No."

"No?"

"No, Carter."

I groan in frustration. I know my anger is within myself and not toward Dylan.

"Breathe."

In through your nose, out through pursed lips.

"Dylan I can't do this." I shake my head.

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't. I can't see my best friend just lying there and- no I can't." I once again blink away tears.

"Carter?"

It's not Dylan, it's Emma.

"Hi," I give her a hug.

She gives me a long, reassuring squeeze.

"How ya holding up honey?" She asks in a soft whisper.

"I'm holding." I shrug.

"Oh.. I know darling. Holland absolutely adored you. You two were like two peas in a pod. Well, female peas." She glances at Dylan, sending me to give a weak laugh.

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