Not your average Love Story

The Beginning

Love finds you unexpectedly especially when you aren't looking for it. It can come and go in many different ways and in many different forms. But I wasn't ready for what was about to happen in my life.
~~
3 am
*buzz buzz*
Marcus: I'm breaking up with you.
My heart dropped to my stomach as I read the text message. I shook uncontrollably as I clicked on it. I read it over and over trying to make sure what I was reading was right.
I sat there baffled with tears soaking my cheeks. I didn't see this coming. It totally blindsided me and the only thing I could think of doing was just picking up the phone and calling him.
*ring ring*
My heart is pounding in my chest as the phone rings. I feel like it is ringing for forever until he finally picks up.
Me: He- *voice cracks* H-Hey
Marcus: Hey..
Me: You're breaking up with me? Over text?
Marcus: Yes. It's the right thing to do. It's my senior year, and I honestly haven't been loyal to you.
Me: What're you saying? What does that mean?
Marcus: Your commitment to me has been undoubtedly strong, but I haven't been putting in the same effort as you. I've been texting girls I shouldn't. Lying to you about the places I've been going to. Being in places I shouldn't and acting ways I shouldn't be. You deserve better. You deserve someone who cherishes you and that will hold you dear to their heart. From the beginning you were way out my league. It's better this way. Trust me.
Me: Please don't leave. Please. I need you. You're all I know. I can change anything you want me to. I can be the girl you always wanted. Just tell me and it'll be fixed.
Marcus: No I can't do that to you. You deserve better. You've given me the best months of my life, trust me, but you deserve the world and I can't give that to you. Lately I haven't been feeling the same. I've tried to look deep inside myself to fix it, but it hasn't been working. I can't keep hurting you and leading you on like this anymore.
Me: Please Marcus. Don't leave me. Please. I need you.
At this point I am sobbing uncontrollably, but I muffle my sounds so I don't wake anyone in the house.
Marcus: *long pause* I don't know Ariana. I just don't know anymore.
Me: Let's talk it out in person please. We can talk it out and be mature about this. We can talk about what's been on each other's minds and our feelings. And I won't make you stay if you don't want to, but please just give me this last thing.
Marcus: *long sigh* Okay. Be at my house after my football game on Friday. We can talk then.
Me: Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
Marcus: You should get some rest. It's late.
Me: Yeah...but I know no matter how hard I try I won't be getting much sleep tonight.
Marcus: I'm sorry..
Me: It's okay..but you should get some rest. We'll talk in the morning. Goodnight I love you.
The words slip out of my mouth before I could stop them and in that moment it hurt my heart to say those strong three words because in that moment I didn't know if he would say it back. I knew deep down I meant them and maybe he did too, but I didn't know if he felt the same way anymore.
Marcus: Goodnight Ari.
*Dial tone beeps*
My hands start to feel clammy and my heart feels like it just has been broken into a million pieces. I lay there in my bed stunned and numb to the pain, but that feeling doesn't last long. Before I knew it I was in the bathroom on the floor crying my eyes out for hours to come. I curl myself up in a ball and cry and cry until my eyes swell shut, but even then I keep on crying.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and all I can do is just let it happen. And I stay like that until it is time for me to go to school, but by then I can't even see out my eyes because of the swelling.
So I pick myself up, still crying, and get into a scolding hot shower. I step in. The heat of the water hitting my skin comforts me. I let it course over my body like a fire and let it consume me. The hot water fills the emptiness inside of me only temporarily, but I am grateful for it. But as I step out the shower, the weight of the world comes crashing back down on my shoulders. Once again I feel like I'm crippled by the pain. It's a pain I cannot escape.
I slowly dry myself off. Taking my time to examine my body carefully. This body that was once shared with another human being. This body that was loved by another soul. I look at the scars on my body remembering how I got each one. Mostly with Marcus when we were both acting dumb. A small smile appears on my face, but it quickly fades away.
Oh, how he adored these scars. Oh, how he adored me. But does he adore me anymore? Does he still find my flaws perfect? Or has it all vanished over night? I find myself looking in the mirror and studying a woman I do not recognize.
She's damaged. Broken even. Those eyes show pain. They show passion. But most importantly of all, they show the longing to be loved again. Oh, how I just want to be loved again. Please be lov—
My pity party and thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.
Tessa: You better hurry, or I'm leaving you and going to school without you.
Me: *wipes tears quickly* Okay be out in a minute. My voice quavers and I turn back to the mirror.
I tell myself, You're strong. You're beautiful. You're smart. And you just need to get through this week because by Friday everything will be fixed. But even as I told myself these words I didn't fully believe them. If this was how I was acting and feeling now, imagine how I'm going to be Friday if we actually call it quits for forever.
My heart aches at this realization. I don't want to lose Marcus. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man. He's taller than me. He's athletic. He's strong. He's sweet. He isn't that smart, but it's enough for me. He's enough for me. He's enough for me. He. Is. Enough. For. Me.
A small voice echoes in my head:
But are you enough for him?
My heart sinks lower into my stomach because of this tiny, six word question. It is the only thing I can't answer. Am I enough? Would I ever be enough?
I look at myself one more time in the mirror and whisper:
Please be enough.