The Lost Asgardian (A Loki X Reader Story)

Part 7

"I didn't think you would remember our childhood adventures in the royal library." You could just make out the whites of Loki's eyes as he glanced at you, the two of you walking through the palace halls. It was still very early in the morning, and since you were in the darkness with no one else awake, it felt like the two of you were in your own world.  
You softly replied, "I didn't until just yesterday. Although I can't remember- what did we do to mark the books we chose?"
Loki smiled fondly in remembrance. "We? I believe you were the one to desecrate the spines with a painted fingerprint. And when we were found out by my parents, you had this innocent look on your face but-" Loki pressed his fist to his lips to stifle the sound of his laughter. After a moment, he was able to continue. "But you were practically covered in paint. There was no getting out of that one."
You laughed softly as the memory came back to you. A warmth flooded your body as you remembered how happy the two of you were- regardless of the fact that you got caught.
You turned a corner and, through the darkness, could make out the shape of the tall ebony doors the two of you had used to trespass when you were younger. The memory of little Loki running through the doorway after you while stifling playful laughter left you feeling bittersweet. It was a very early morning, just like this one, and Loki had been worried about a particular lesson with Queen Frigga. Now that you were thinking about it, neither of you could sleep, just like tonight. You had thought a mischievous trip to the library with a little paint would take his mind off of it. You hadn't thought of the evidence the paint would leave behind or the trouble you would be in when it was discovered, but for some reason you thought that hiding your favorite things between the pages of select books would be a good idea.
Loki's voice pulled you from the memory and brought you back to the present. "At least this time there won't be repercussions." A slow smile lifted the corners of his lips as he pulled the heavy door open enough for you to slip inside.
"Hopefully not. Thank you." You softly smiled at his back as he gently closed the door behind him.
Moonlight streamed in through the windows, creating shadows across the floor. Your breath caught in your throat when his face was illuminated before he moved to the lantern hanging on a hook in the wall. Your heartbeat quickened as he took the lantern off the hook and lit it, the hazy glow from it somehow making Loki look even more enchanting.
You quickly cleared your throat and tried to distract yourself from the way you were feeling. "So, where should we start?"

You walked side by side as Loki led you down one of the aisles of books, the tall shelves stretching up all the way to the ceiling. A wall was to your right and the bookshelves were to your left, with Loki holding the lantern so you could see the spines of the books as you passed them.
"I'm positive we hid something down this aisle. Let's see.." He searched a particular shelf and when he saw a painted fingerprint on one of the spines, he quickly but carefully pulled the book out.
Loki handed the book to you and you studied its cover before opening it. A piece of parchment was inside with small, sloppy handwriting scrawled across it. Loki moved the lantern closer so you could see and you squinted as you tried to read what it said, "I can't really make it out..." There was some smudging so you could only see a few letters clearly. The next line was in a different handwriting, a clearer one, and you recognized it as your own childish scribbling. You ran your finger over the words as you read them aloud, "Forgiven and forgotten. Always."
You looked up at Loki curiously, not remembering what you had been referring to. He avoided your eyes as he said, "That was what you would say every time I would take a trick too far or say something wrong and would try to make it up to you. You would just hook your pinky in mine and say that."
You knew there was something he wasn't telling you, but you just smiled faintly and put the parchment back inside the book and placed it back on the shelf.
"Where to next?" You asked softly, coming to stand next to him again. Loki thought about it for a moment, then led you to another aisle.
"I believe there's another one down here." You looked for a book with a painted fingerprint on its spine and after a little while of searching, finally found it.
You tapped Loki on the shoulder to get his attention before plucking the book from its place and opening it. Inside was a dried up sunflower, delicately placed between the pages. You questioningly placed the sunflower in Loki's free hand, lost on its significance.
Loki smiled in remembrance, with what you thought was a longing look in his eyes. He sat the lantern down on the nearly empty shelf behind him and touched the wrinkled flower in awe. "Sunflowers were your favorite, before-" He cut himself off, his voice growing soft and warm with nostalgia. "You were wearing this one in your hair and you took it out and gave it to me. You didn't tell me why, you just said you wanted me to have it."
You watched as he gently placed the flower back in the book before returning it to its rightful place, but the look in his eyes told you he didn't want to let it go.

You put your hand on his arm so he would look at you and, when he did, you asked softly, "Why are you still clinging to the past?"
Loki ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath as he looked to the floor. "If I am to be honest, I.. I guess I hold on to the time before you were taken because that's when everything was as it should have been. It was when you were safe here with us- with me. You were exactly where you were supposed to be. There's not a day that I don't think about what our life would have been like if it hadn't have happened."
There were tears in your eyes from the tormented expression on his face. You stepped closer to him, wanting to comfort him in some way. Your voice trembled as you said, "I was where I was supposed to be, but fate must have had other plans. I don't know what life would have been like, but I do know this: all that matters is that I'm here now."
There was still a lost look in his eyes and you didn't know how to make him see things the way you saw that. You needed to get him out of the state he was in and back to you. Your voice broke and a tear slid down your cheek when you spoke, "Did you hear me? Loki, I'm right here."
His eyes snapped to yours at the first word and when you had finished saying the last one, he brushed your tears away with trembling fingers.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N," Loki whispered. Your heart nearly broke. He had nothing to be sorry for, but you had come to know that he harbored undeserved guilt. You shakily held out your pinky in the small space between the two of you. He looked confused for a moment until it clicked and he hooked his pinky in yours. "Forgiven and forgotten."
At that moment, the lantern light died out and you were submerged in darkness once again. The shelves blocked the moonlight from shining on the path, so you couldn't see anything. You felt a small wave of panic at the sudden lack of light in such a tight space. You heard a book drop to the ground from a shelf behind you and you knew that you had done it subconsciously with your abilities.
You were suddenly aware of all the hazards that the towering shelves of books posed if they were to come crashing down. Loki must have been thinking the same thing because you felt him unhook his pinky from yours but grab your wrist and spin you so your back was pressing into a shelf. You heard another book fall the the floor with a thud, and another wave of panic hit you. You felt him cage you in with his body as if to keep anything from falling and hurting you, and you felt your heart beat rapidly inside of your chest at the thought of him being harmed. Your breathing became ragged and you knew you were close to losing it, but you couldn't see him to calm down like you did in training, so you did the only thing you could think of. You wrapped your arms around his torso so your hands were on his back and pulled him further into you. You could feel his heart beating as practically all of his body pressed against you. You started to feel your breathing steady, his warm skin on yours keeping you sane. As long as you were touching him, you knew he was safe.
You stayed that way until you had calmed down, and when you knew that you were no longer a danger to the two of you, you tapped Loki's back as a way of telling him he could let go of you.
Except he didn't. You could still feel his warmth and heartbeat, but you could also feel his chest rising and falling with his breathing.
"Are you alright? You can let go now."
There was a beat of silence before Loki murmured, "I don't think I can."
You were instantly concerned that he had somehow gotten hurt and frantically ran your hands all over him, checking for injuries in the dark. "Please tell me you're okay." He could hear the worry in your voice and was quick to reassure you, catching one of your hands on his chest in his own while still maintaining as small of a space between you as possible.
"I'm fine, Y/N. Better than fine, actually. If you want me to move, you're going to have to move me yourself because I don't think I have the strength to let go."
There was a desperation in his voice and you decided not to push it.
"We'll stay right here then." He leaned his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes, wanting to absorb and remember every detail of this moment.
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The next part is coming soon, I'm getting back into the swing of things! So sorry for the long wait!