Loving you like Drizzle

Club Sandwich

August 2019

It has been hours now since I locked myself in my room with you placed on my lap. A few hours spent hovering this pen above you not knowing what to say or specifically where to begin. I was doing fine, you know? I actually believed that I was doing fine when I decided to stop writing then because I had actual ears to listen and a mouth that responds. He did well, Thirdy, he really tried his best not to judge my actions. Not to get offended by her hateful glances at him. He was a good friend while it lasted, while I was still capable of breathing without breaking. Not today though, not tonight. Not when you watch her nod with glassy eyes and her lips mumble a quiet 'yes' while he asks her to be his girlfriend right in front of you.

It only took him seven months. Seven months to call her his, less than a year of knowing each other and yet he has now earned her heart. Wearing it in pride beside his as he holds her hand between his own, plays at her fingers like I used too, fixes her hair, making her laugh and all those other things that matters. SEVEN MONTHS.

I did that for years and yet the closest I had her was having her on my fingertips. The light grazes of skin that we shared that warmed my heart and allowed me to look forward for more soul burning encounters of loving her has now put on a pause.

Those seven months were nothing compared to all the seven's we have shared though. The way we finished the seven Harry Potter  books we read throughout one summer, those lazy nights that was filled with silence as we are both engrossed on the rough sheet of paper on my bed. Or the seven songs on a playlist you made. You wanted to fill it with all your favorites but you never got back to them, so here I am, stuck with seven songs played on repeat every night after you said yes. Remember the seven times you jumped at the beach because you were too giddy of having the salty water beneath you? The way your sun dress danced with the wind probably made my heart stop beating for seven seconds. How about the seven times you said 'please' as you beg me to buy the biggest teddy bear at the store because you said it would help you sleep better at night? You slept at my room cuddled into my arms for the succeeding days after that, I think you just wanted me to spoil you, Jhoana.

How do you do it? How do you look at me with those eyes not expecting me to fall in love with you? How are you able to stop my world just by pouting your lips every time you wanted something from me? You take my breath away every time you push your head back with too much laughter waiting to be released from your heart. Oh well, here we go again with all these cheesy lines that would sweep other people away from their feet. But to you, it doesn't matter anyway. Not anymore I guess. I mean, it never will.

-

"Hey. Next class?"

"Hey Thirds. Yes, ikaw?" I watch him catch up to my pace and walk beside me. Holding the straps of his backpack on his thumb. He looks at you like he's worried.

"Bei, you slept well tonight?"

"Oo naman." I look away and tries to focus on the steps I make. I'm actually considering of running away from him before this gets all serious but I feel his palm wrap around  my arm and pulling me into a stop. Too late.

"Bea, we haven't talked since-"

"We have different classes now, and I'm busy."

"It's August. Stop making excuses, we've been talking weeks before no matter how busy we were. You just can't spend months with me telling me everything like I'm your little diary and stop out of nowhere. Ano ka? Libro sa wattpad na iniwan ng author?"

"Dork!" I shake my head.

"You look tired, you should sleep some more." He lets go of my arm. "I heard about it, about... them?" His voice cautious  like he's walking on broken glass. Perhaps he is. "Bei?"