It's sad how people can so easily play with your feelings, even when they know you've been torn and broken before. They know it all along. But they assure you of always being by your side. They make you believe that you deserve love and compassion. That they'd never make you cry. They make hollow promises. Promises they aren't even sure about keeping themselves. You start to believe them, their "love and sincerity".
And when you open up to them, guess what happens? Whatever you always feared. They say they won't judge you, but they make your tiny mistakes a reason for leaving you, mistakes they already knew about. Even after putting yourself out there for them like an open book, they decide to think some chapters aren't much pleasing to hear when you read them out for them yourself. Honesty goes against you. And you realise they could've loved you on if you'd lied, if you'd decided to deceive them.
Even after being ridiculed and hurt so many times, when you finally understand what you want in a life partner, and they make you believe they're the one, you get a slap on your face; coming to the realisation that oh, you aren't so smart after all. You're still the same naive, gullible girl. A girl who believes too easily and trusts everyone to be genuine and loyal. Someone who claims herself to be very clever and strong, but a single blow from a loved one breaks her. She loses her sanity and cool.
And you come back to the place you'd last been left at. The place you escaped with its horrors still haunting you. You don't want to be there again, but you're thrown there. And once again, you're left in darkness, not knowing where to go. The pain and agony of that path makes you shudder with fear. You start to smell the gory path. You want to die but not crawl that path again. You remember how you had to claw at nothingness to keep going. How the delicate twigs and branches of sympathy didn't support you enough to keep you steady and not fall face down. You look at your scars, telling of a time when you were shattered. About a time when there were entire shards of broken things lingering inside you. You were heaving them up, constantly, and the only way to rid yourself of them was to let them slice right through and out of the other side.
The slimy and muddy trails of memories dug your feet deeper and glued you to the ground. You know how hard it was to get up again and not slip into the silt. And this time, you just want to stay there. You wish to get buried in that same haunting place but not go through that dreary phase again. And at that time, you realise how big of a fool you've always been to trust! You break down. You give up. You crumble into a mullions pieces once again. And your bruised and beaten soul aches with the collapse, cursing you for letting all that happen to it.
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