Selected: Part 3 - Love and Lace

10. THE CALM

AT THE SOUND OF MY question, all the careful postures and calm expressions Ethan worked so hard to maintain melted away. He suddenly seemed softer, less princely and more boyish. I didn't know if it was a fair question to ask, but this awful conversation left me feeling worthless in his eyes. Where there was a tense and upset expression on his face was now replaced by a soft and sad one. He gestured towards me, asking without words if he could hold my hand. I obliged, as even in times like this, I couldn't refuse him. "It's a nice night out; would you be willing to come outside with me?" His voice came out so sweet, as though we hadn't been just arguing. I nodded, and he guided me out the door and up to the next floor. It was probably getting really late now, and the only ones roaming the halls were the guards. Everything was so quiet and dark, it felt as though the palace itself was asleep.

He led me down a familiar path that I remembered being the one to his bedroom. Obviously we couldn't go roam the gardens at this late hour, but this made me wonder what he'd meant by outside. I didn't have time to register any new details about his bedroom though, as he led me straight to his balcony. The one back in my room was very small, but I enjoyed when my maid pulled out chairs for us to sit there and take in the sun on particularly slow days. Ethan's balcony was something else entirely: it was three times the size of mine, lined with a myriad of plants and comfortable looking outdoor sofas. On the farthest corner of it, there was even a canvas set out for him, which left me wondering if he spent a lot of time here. I was still taking everything in as we sat on one of the two sofas, and even though fall was well under way, the Angeles air was so warm that I felt fine in my long-sleeved gown.

We'd been quiet for awhile, and Ethan was the one to break the silence, turning towards me. "I've decided I would see the Selection through to the end. I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and you were right about everything. It was a lapse of judgement in my part, and as I said, you all are so important to me." His eyes we're full of sincerity and determination, and I was entranced by them as he continued on. "That being said, one of you six will be my partner for life, and a queen for my people. I take this choice very seriously, and although my feelings for each of you are different, I can't act so impulsively. I tend to be indecisive at times, but here I really need to be sure of my choice and feelings, as I intend to love and cherish my wife with all I have."

I looked down, still feeling a little upset about it all, but he gently lifted my chin up so I could see  his face. "Liliana, the other girls still being here doesn't make you any less special. I want you here, and there's so many reasons for why that is." I tried to smile, as this moment between us felt so nice, but there were too many thoughts swirling through my head. "I'm just used to feeling discarded, you know? First, it was my parents who put me up for adoption, then it was my foster parents who sold me for work; these things don't make a girl feel so special. I'm trying to work on my confidence and letting things go, though. I just..." I felt the tears coming. I just wanted to feel special for once in my life in the eyes of the one person I truly loved.

"Did something else happen that you're not telling me? I mean, did your parents treat you alright?" I shook my head no. This was something I'd never told anyone before, as I only recently came to terms with it all, but I knew I could share it with Ethan. "My biological father verbally and physically abused my mother and I. It was always late at night, to the point where I started dreading sleep. I still have nightmares and trouble sleeping to this day, even though it's been years." He rubbed his thumb gently on the back of my hand, looking worried though he let me continue. "I wonder a lot if my mother is okay nowadays. My foster mother... she was something else. One day she would love me more than anything, the other day she would completely despise me. It was almost worst than all the pain from the abuse from my biological father, as with her, it was just so confusing. A lot of the awful things she would say to me really stuck, and I can't get them out of my mind just yet, but I'm trying."

Ethan muttered something under his breath. "What?" I asked, wanting to know what he had said. "It's crazy, all that you've been through. No child should have to go through that, especially someone so sweet and caring as you." I smiled at the compliment. "What about you? What are your parents like, when the cameras are off?" Though I was interested in knowing who our King and Queen really were as people, I was more interested in finding out all I could about Ethan. He sighed. "I know I have nothing to complain about, as I grew up in a palace with everything I could ask for, but I can understand a bit where you're coming from." He started, and I leaned in toward him, giving him my full attention. "I mean in regard to your foster mother, as my mother is a bit like that, too, in a way."

"She's... quite emotional. I feel like all my life, she's been dependent on me, like I've been taking care of her when I thought it should be the other way around, growing up. She gets depressed a lot, and clings to me like I'm the only thing keeping her afloat. I love her, but it can be suffocating sometimes." Though the Selection had been going on for months, his mother hadn't addressed any of us; I thought she was just very quiet, but now her solemn expressions made more sense. "My father, I don't think he treats her very well. As for me, he has me always second guessing myself, always putting so much pressure for me to do whatever he wants. He yells at me a lot, and it can be hard to take, but it's nothing next to what you've had to go through that's for sure; it's just a lot of pressure from both sides."

"You don't need to do that." He tilted his head ever so slightly. "Do what?" Ethan answered. "Downplay your hardships for the sake of mine. What we went through and how it made us feel is valid for the both of us. I for one am sorry your parents don't fully value what a strong, smart and beautiful person you've become." He smiled, and it lit up his face. "I feel so safe with you." He said, his voice so low it sent chills down my spine. "And I the same." I confessed.

"You asked me what are the reasons that I'm keeping you here, but I'm wondering if I could possibly ask you first. Why are you here, Liliana?" There was only one reason, for me, or rather, that reason out-shined any other. "Because I love you, Ethan." The air was filled with the sounds of the night; the large fountain in the garden, the rustling of wind against the trees, the occasional song of a cricket or an animal nearby. Yet, with all that, Ethan had still heard what I'd blurted out. He stared for only a moment, but it was long enough for my face to turn completely red. After awhile, he shook his head, and with that movement, the shock left his face.

"Ask me again." He said, firm. "Ask you what?" He leaned down a bit, so our eyes were perfectly level with each other as he stared into mine, holding both my hands. "What you asked me, back in your room before we came here." I didn't have to think so far back. "It had seemed as though every girl except me had a reason to be here, so I'd asked: Why am I here?" Ethan stayed quiet though, as he cupped my face between his palms, and kissed me. He held me as though I were made of porcelain, and his kiss was just as gentle on my lips. When we pulled away, I was dazed by this entirely new feeling: I felt beautiful, and loved. I'd exchanged a kiss or two with Rowan, but nothing like this. Ethan's kiss made me think I had the whole entire idea of kissing all wrong. This is what it was meant to feel like, and this is who it was meant to be with.

I leaned into him, wanting another one. All the hugs and kisses on my cheeks hadn't prepared me for this, and now I wondered how I'd go on without his lips on mine. I wished the night was longer, for once, as wanted to stay with him as long for as I could. When we pulled away from our second kiss, he searched for my eyes, still holding me. "Don't doubt yourself, Liliana. I could fill the pages of an entire novel with things I love about you." It wasn't exactly a love confession, but all the same, I stored those words deep in my heart for safekeeping. When I was taken back to my room, I found myself wishing I hadn't dismissed Maya. I ached to tell someone what had happened, but for now, I would have to let it live in my thoughts as I replayed the moment over and over in my head. I thought I would feel giddy and nervous from my first kiss with Ethan, but I perfectly calm.