Selected: Part 3 - Love and Lace

19. THE TWO

I WATCHED OUT THE WINDOW in awe as the first snowflakes of the year fell from the sky. December was near and though it rarely snowed in Angeles, it had gotten colder in the past few days. As the outside became coated with a thin layer of snow, the inside of the palace rivaled in beauty with how well decorated it was for Ethan's coronation. They would be taking a lot of pictures, so I made sure I looked presentable before I stepped out to join the event. Staring back at me, I found the reflection of someone who might just be fit for royalty. I felt regal in my dark satin dress, and I realized how much this experience had changed me. So much of my upbringing had made me feel worthless; from my caste to my parents to my being sold to the palace like nothing more than an object, but I was starting to grow a new and completely foreign feeling which was confidence in myself.

I joined in the cheers as a crown was placed on the newly named King Ethan Noah Schreave. I was anxious for what the future may bring, but my heart felt full. Following this, Agatha and I were requested to pose with him, one at the time, for a commemorative photograph. The simple gesture of his hand on my waist made me long for his touch, long for more time with him, but everything was going too fast. During this celebration, he had so many important guests to attend to, we did not see much of him at all after the pictures, so I was glad we would have at least one memory together on this important day. I ended up spending the evening with Agatha, who was also feeling as though things were moving too rapidly.

"It used to be so lively all the time here. Do you miss the other girls?" She asked me, looking out at the crowd of guests. "I do, so much. Especially Gwen and Hazel. What about you?" She sighed. "I don't think I've made many friends at all in my time here. I think maybe the other girls started avoiding me since I got the first date, and since I was one of the only ones to get a kiss from Ethan." She supposed. "How was it?" I asked, tentatively, feeling hurt and jealous but wanting to know more about her relationship with Ethan. "It was only once. It felt right at the time, but he's never kissed me since." She looked down. "I like Ethan a lot, because I feel he's easy to talk to and we have so much in common with the way we view the world and art. I know I can grow to love him, but he is so guarded with the way he feels towards me. I can't read him at all, can you?" I could feel his emotions towards me through each gaze, each touch, each gentle and carefully chosen word. Though there was still doubt, whether it was his or my own, I would only be sure how he felt when he chooses to be with me and only me. "I..."

"I hope I'm not interrupting, ladies." Agatha and I turned in unison. It was Cordelia, looking radiant in red gown, adorned in jewels. "I wished to speak with you both before this all comes to an end." I was glad for the initiative, as I really did want to get to know her more. "How are you feeling?" Agatha was quick to respond. "Honestly, I'm quite anxious. Ethan will be choosing between us, but how do we know he's the right choice for ourselves?" It seemed quite daring to ask Cordelia, but a valid and sincere concern all the same. "When I chose to be with Theodore, I was basing my decision on my idea of what it meant to be in love." Cordelia confessed. "However, I realized later on that this idea I had of what love should be was warped by my parents, who did not actually love or respect or care for each other much at all. Now, I wouldn't say I regret my choice, nor would I say my marriage was without these things, but I would suggest you evaluate closely your perception of love and companionship before you make yours." She advised. 

I was so grateful for this advice, as we shared the commonality of having bad role models for what a healthy relationship should look like. I knew, whatever happened, I wanted to be in a relationship free of abuse, where we could communicate openly and respect one another. With my newfound confidence, I really felt I deserved as much. "Moreover," Cordelia continued, "When it comes to companionship in the case of one of you, you will have a difficult role and duties to take on as a Queen. With that said, I know either one of you will do well, as I saw how seriously you both took the lessons you were given." It felt surreal to be praised by her. We thanked her for her kind and wise words, and enjoyed each other's company for the remainder of the evening.

The next day, with only two days left till the end of the Selection, I felt a bit powerless. How was I supposed to prove to Ethan how much I loved him and prove myself to him if we weren't spending time with each other in the past weeks? I know it could not he helped, but I ached for him, and felt just about ready to burst with all the feelings I'd been keeping inside. I decided these feelings had to come out, and I settled down at my desk to write a letter to Ethan, though I was not sure whether I would be brave enough to give it to him.

Dear Ethan,

I know you have an important decision to make for yourself and our country, and I will respect whatever this decision will be, as my dearest wish is for your happiness. However, before this ends, I must tell you how I feel. Truthfully, I have always admired you as a kind and generous prince. Having gotten to know you more, I now also admire your cleverness and talents as an artist, but it is more than admiration. The first time we spoke, I felt such a warmth radiate from you, and it made me feel immediately at ease. On our first date, though I have always been a mess of nerves, you made me so comfortable, I felt as though I could share anything with you.

More than that, you're the one I want to talk to most when I really need someone to listen, as you show such gentleness, patience, and understanding with me. When I am feeling as though the world is crumbling, the thought of your smile, your laughter, helps me breathe again. I have told you that I loved you, yet there are no words to express just how much. When we are apart, you consume my every thought, and when we are together, nothing else seems to matter. Whatever happens, I am so glad to have had this chance with you, and I cherish every moment we have spent together. Though I have nothing more to give, if you will have me, I promise to be the best I can be for you.

Yours,

Luna.

Before I could noticed I had started crying, a few tears escaped my eyes and onto the paper. Without thinking, I folded up the letter, and placed it in an envelope addressed to Ethan, though it would stay on my desk, unsent.