I'm Starting To Think...

'Find A Partner Everybody!'

The teacher says to find a partner.

It hurts when all your friends ignore you and you're left standing there alone. You try to say something but all you say are tears. And then you feel the pity. Then you feel selfish and weak. Some people stare and point even if you evidently watch them do it. Some are so damned sympathetic. You want to scream FUCK OFF AND SHUTUP. But all you say are tears. And you become oblivious of the world around you. Crybaby. That word always stuck on you like bubblegum in hair. No matter what you can't completely get it off and out the door. It just made your appearance form the words LONER, and it stays. Permanent. Not like your semi permanent hair dye. No. Not at all. Like SHARPIES digging scars and cracked bones, connecting every line that shows only weakness. None of the strong links are connected. None. So your weakness empowers you.

It begins.

You start running. Nobody notices that you were limping. Nobody notices that you kept on rubbing your jaw. Even if earlier you told them you had to take PAIN KILLERS because of the pain. But of course the pain killers faded and you felt PAIN. Each step you took the world flared and the sun is flung across you face. You still keep on running in circles. A never ending shape, it just keeps on going and going. Just like this barrier of sadness that encloses you. You'd like to pop it like a bubble. But if you do, all the tears and blood will come rushing out. Everyone is cheering. Not for you of course. They didn't notice you at first. You were invisible. But when the numbers diminished they notice you. And then they finally start cheering. But it shows that you're too WEAK for making effort for yourself. Then you want to cry. But you won't because you don't have the energy. You keep on running.

You were third to last to finish.

Game over.

Nobody tells you good job, they just gift you symPATHETIC looks. You walk over to your friends. And then you reconsider the definition of friend. You tell them you feel like you were going to faint. You were dizzy, you couldn't support your own weight, your vision was blurry, and you just wanted to quit and curl up. Then you realize it just means YOUR BODY SUCKS. You cry in frustration inside. They never reply and just laugh. Laugh. Walk over to the fountain of youth and whisper water inside your mouth. You try not to drink in your tears. You wipe them away and clutch your hands in fists. But then you raise a hand to study. It's trembling. You drop it back to your side. Nobody sees the storm you're in. They're all under umbrellas. While you're trying to use your torn up one as a boat on top of the salty tears. Do you know why your umbrella is torn up? Because you let one who didn't have a umbrella borrow it. They never gave the umbrella back. And now you got leftovers. Leftovers from your dead relative that probably exists in a museum right now.

So now you dread to hear the same words once again.

'Find a partner everybody!'