If not later, when?

Chapter 4 [what if i grow to hate him?]

Cas' POV

I was trying to get him off my mind. I was failing miserably. If I was going for a bike ride by myself, I would long for Dean beside me. If I was playing the piano, I would wish Dean would be there to listen. I wanted him so bad, but I didn't know why. I barely knew him, but I dreamt about him every night. I had to distract myself. I ran out to my lawn to watch the volleyball game. Meg and Charlie were down there already, gossiping about Dean. I could overhear their conversation.

"He's better than the guy who came last year." Charlie said happily. The conversation paused as we watched the game play out. Dean's team had won the point. Proud and impressed, Meg replied, "Much better! See how cute he is?"

I tried ignoring her statement about him. She was right. I couldn't get my hopes up though. He didn't want me. I looked up and saw him swinging Jo around happily. She had just won a point for their team. My stomach fell. There was my proof. I shouldn't get caught up with him. I got up and grabbed a bottle of water from our table outside. I was walking back to my spot when one of the guests sitting down watching the game, asked for some water. I reached down to pass the bottle to him when Dean took it out of my hand, and took a big swing out of it. I looked at him in astonishment. He placed his hand on my shoulder to steady his balance. He started rubbing a knot in my shoulder blade and I flinched out of his grasp. The feeling of his hands on my body sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn't, correction, I wouldn't let myself get attached. The thought that scared me was that I already was.

"You alright?" Dean asked concerned, "Did I pinch a nerve?"

I wouldn't make eye contact with him. "I'm ok." I responded quietly. However, he still moved towards me.

"Here, hold this." He hands me the bottle of water so both his hands are free. "Trust me, I know how to fix this." He said, as I tried to escape his grasp once more. He did not understand what he did to me; how I felt about him. He could sense my tenseness. "Hey," he said soothingly, "that's the problem, you need to relax." He rubbed my shoulder and moved it up and down. "Meg, come over here." He called. Meg stood up and walked beside him. "Back me up here," he grabbed her hand and placed it where the knot was on my back, " Do you feel that? He needs to relax-" His sentence was cut off by Jo calling his name from the field.  He took his hands off my shoulders. "Later!" He said smiling, running back to his game. I watched him as he left. Meg still rubbed my back. "You do need to relax." She said. I turned around and looked at her in annoyance and rolled my eyes.
-
I checked my watch and saw that it was 6:30, and dinner would probably be ready in an hour. I took off my headset and walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and fumbled with my hair, trying to shape it and flatten down pieces. My hair is uncontrollable. Pieces stick up and out and I can never flatten them. It looks like I have constant sex hair. I give up on trying to fix my hair and grab shaving cream. I didn't really need to shave, I wasn't even 18 yet and I didn't have a lot of facial hair. I wanted to look presentable though, I wanted to make sure Dean knew I could pull myself together. I slathered the cream on my face and started to shave.

I splashed some water on my face to get the rest of the shaving cream off. I looked into my mirror, straightening my posture. I could do this. I wasn't going to make a fool of myself. I walked out of the bathroom and went to my closet. I grabbed a red and white dress shirt and rolled up the sleeves to my elbows. I grabbed my jeans and slipped them on. I looked casual but not too casual. I don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard. I checked my watch again. It was around 7:00 and my family was probably setting up the table. I slid down my stair railing and jogged outside. I saw my mother, father and our cook, Anna, setting up the silver wear. I walked up to them and was greeted by my mother.

"Vieni a sederti, amore." Come sit, love. I pulled out a seat next to where Dean was supposed to sit. I was excited. I just wanted to see him. Not with a big group of people, just with me and my family. I really wanted him alone, but this was as good as it was going to get. He seemed more arrogant around others, but not around my family. He was humble and kind.

"Pensi che sia arrogante quando dice," Later."? Do you think he's arrogant when he says, later? I ask my parents.  I don't know why I asked that, I guess I had been going over it in my head, trying to come to some sort of a conclusion whether it was good or bad. That goodbye always put me on edge; I wasn't sure why.

"I don't think he's arrogant." My father replies, "I think we just have to get used to that."

"This is how he'll say goodbye to us when the time comes; later!" I mock his American accent. My mother's eyes are still on her book. "Meanwhile we have to put up with him for six long weeks." She says, sarcastically. "You'll grow to like him." My father says. "What if I grow to hate him?" I ask in response. "Non dire questo, dolcezza." Don't say that, sweetie. My mother says, sympathetically. Our conversation is interrupted by Anna. "Dean andrà a cena stasera?" Is Dean coming to dinner tonight? She asks. I check my watch. It's 7:45 and he still was nowhere to be seen. "I don't think so." My mother responds. Anna walks over to me and takes his plate and cup, bringing it to the kitchen. My stomach turned with anger and disappointment. I wanted to scream at Anna for taking his plate. That was his spot. She didn't have the right to do that. I still sat there quietly though, it wasn't her fault. He wasn't coming. I had to accept that. I ate my dinner in silence. I couldn't say anything. I tried to eat as fast as I could. I didn't want to be there if Dean wasn't. I just wanted dinner to be over with so I could go back to my room. I barely even tasted the food as I ate it. I wiped my face with my napkin and excused myself from the table. My parents were surprised by my abrupt dismissal, but they just went back to eating.

I ran upstairs and took off my clothes, just wearing my underwear. It was hot and sticky outside and the coolness that met my skin was refreshing. I laid in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was hot and I couldn't get comfortable. Yet, that wasn't the only reason I couldn't get to sleep. I was anxious. I was anxious about Dean. I couldn't sleep before I knew he got home safely. Why should I even care, I don't even know him. He wasn't a child, he could handle himself. I still couldn't sleep though, no matter how many times I tried to calm myself down, I couldn't stop worrying about him. I decided to read to keep my mind busy.

Almost two hours had past and I heard the sound of tires on my gravel driveway. I set my book down and walked to my window. I saw Dean get out of a taxi and walk into my house. My body relaxed with relief. He was home safely. I didn't have to worry anymore. I clicked my lamp off and laid in my bed. I was finally able to fall asleep.