Paparazzi Girl

27. Wait and See

Pulling the warm blanket over her entire chest, Stella turned the TV on, flipping through channels, waiting for a decent show to come up. Her mother was making dinner in the kitchen, having told her a while ago that they should hang out tonight. Something they hadn't done in the while, since her mom was deep in her recovery stage.

Her mom had a few relapses, but not deadly ones. Just small slips from which she learned her mistakes from. Instead of them taking her over to the rehab that wasn't too far away, everyone thought it would be for the best that she had her assistance at home, since Stella was still a minor, although her birthday was just weeks away.

Small, pattering footsteps slammed against the floor as Stella's mom brought over two plates and bottles of water. Of course the food was simple, just some pasta and chicken. That was probably all she could make anyways, aside from a sandwich and maybe some chicken and rice. Smiling slightly, Stella reached for her plate, grabbing her fork and eating slowly, watching The Nanny. Her mom sat beside her, grabbing the end of Stella's blanket so they were sharing it.

"Like the food?"

"Yeah," was her simple answer. She wasn't in the mood for talking. Lately, she was never in the mood for anything. She just wanted to be left alone in her thoughts, without anyone interrupting her. Alone in the dark thoughts that surrounded her head.

Nobody talked after that. It was silent for a while, after everyone had finished their food, and they were just rested on the sofa. Soft rain splattered on the window, the whole mood was so grim and bleak. Stella felt sick.

"So," her mom broke the silence Stella wanted to keep for a while, "have you found a job yet?"

"No. Not many people are giving jobs these days. I think I'm just gonna go to collage like I thought out last week. See what other interests I discover."

Her mom smiled so quickly, so small, Stella wondered if it even happened. "You sure you don't want to go back into the paparazzi business? I mean, not long ago you tell me that was all you could imagine yourself doing."

Stella looked down at her hands with sad eyes. She had been the one who ruined everything. She had thought she was doing something that could make her dad proud of her. Proud that she had his last name. But now, just looking at a picture of him, or even just imagining him, would bring a sick feeling. Now she had no job, no father would even think of being proud of her, or Xavier. All because of her stupidity.

"I'd rather not even remember it. And anyways, you told me it was better to just leave it behind. So I'm just taking your advice." Stella had told her mom everything. From the beginning, to life right now. Nothing was a secret anymore.

"I bet he misses you." Stella looked at her with doubt. Complete doubt that was the case.

"Yeah, right. I bet he doesn't even remember my name anymore. It's already been about a month. He wouldn't want to remember Stella Campbell."

"Have you tried calling him to apologize?"

"Just so he can tell me to fuck off and then hang up? No thanks."

Her mom sighed, "I saw the way he looked at you. That little spark whenever he was near you. I would know, because your father and I looked at each other the exact same way."

"He might have. But he has Kat anyways. He had a rebound, while I have nothing now. Nothing to look forward to."

Her mom didn't reply. Just sat there staring at the screen. Her thoughts were distant, Stella knew. Her eyes were watery, but she didn't move a single muscle. Didn't even try to make Stella feel comforted. Because she herself was alone too. They were both alone. Together but still alone.