Dangerous Love

The embarrassing introduction

It happened again. I super glued my hands to my dick. How did this happen you may ask? It’s a long story, and I’m not referring to my dick size (sorry ladies). It involves 3 rubber gloves, a ducks feather, a tooth from a 6 year old, a chopstick that was marinated in milk and of course, as you have all come to expect, THE SUPER GLUE. Now picture if you will, a small bedroom lined with mustard wallpaper and an outdated hexagonal pattern that screams urinal infectious ex-partners. As absurd as it may sound, I’m not lying. In fact it’s more of a sad reflection upon my life up until this very moment. Now that I think about it, the mustard wallpaper is the same pigment of the urine Michelle used to splurge out (and yes, splurge is the right word for reasons we won’t discuss: I want you to keep your food in your mouth rather than on the floor or in your lap). She had an irrational infatuation with magic and wizard wands, demanding I purchase her a novelty harry potter wand for her birthday. I never knew what for as I allowed her complete privacy when requested, but I knew one thing: it wasn’t to recreate scenes from the movie. I had discovered that in her sleep talk (and yes I know what you’re thinking, but I assure you that I did not watch her sleep, nor interact with her against her own will), she was very fond of associating the wand for harry potters Penis.  Use your wand on me harry, she would moan. Now I never felt jealous because she would wake up wishing to get it on like donkey Kong (she was slightly aggressive in the morning), ecstatically explaining what she wished me to do.  On further reflection, she did want to call me harry during all of our role plays and basic sexual interactions: come to think of it, she has spent more time referring to me as a fictionalised orphan than my actual identity. Does she even remember my real name? What difference would it actually make? It's not going to help me out of this situation, nor make the mood any lighter. 

Let’s exit the mind of our protagonist for a moment shall we and delve into an overall explanatory context for you lovely people. Now Michael Jefferson wasn't all that bad of a bloke, he tried his hardest to impress Kelly (his girlfriend... well kind of. It's complicated). When they met he fell head over heels for the country girl, claiming to his friends that she is the one and only, that she will make his life complete. Little did he know that she wasn't an ordinary girl, not that it bothered him of course otherwise he wouldn't be with her eagerly hoping that she won’t figure out what he has done. Now I'm not going to spoil it, as I am only payed if i read the script word for word. Now I know what you’re thinking but i assure you that I will let you resume your mental adventure in a moment. Oh what the hell, let’s begin the adventure or by the laws of novels you will grow bored put this book down and view it negatively.