𝔩𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔩𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔭𝔬𝔭𝔰 (𝔰𝔥𝔲𝔮𝔦) ✓

& found

three

yuqi pov

"i'm coming in, okay?" i hear someone say, and i hastily wipe my tears as the door swings open.

"shuhua?" i gasp, trying to pull myself together.

"hey hey, relax. i get it, panic attacks are a pain in the ass. don't push yourself."

i nod and lean back, biting my lip at the uncomfortable situation.

"so, what triggered it?"

my head snaps up at the sudden question, and i see genuine concern in shuhua's eyes. i guess it couldn't hurt to explain, she's already seen me bawling my eyes out.

"well, i'm naturally a very anxious person, and get stressed very easily. around freshman year of high school i started getting really bad panic attacks. i searched for a way to take out my stress. unfortunately, i found that in a blade."

sucking in a deep breath, i try to steady my shaking hands. it hadn't been this hard to open up to anyone, not even my parents. so why was i so nervous now?

"i cut pretty much all through high school, until miyeon saw me in the school washroom one day. she convinced me to throw my blades away, and gave me a pack of lollipops, saying they would curb my impulses. i guess they worked, so she started making me custom lavender flavoured ones, to try and relieve some of my stress along with it. i suck on one whenever i feel anxious or upset. but this morning they weren't in my bag, and i started thinking about what would happen if i went back to cutting. that's how i ended up here."

i glance up to see shuhua's eyes glistening with tears, and before i can process what's happening she's pulled me into a hug. melting into the embrace unconsciously, i feel butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

could i- no. did i like shuhua?

I mean, i came out as bisexual 3 years ago, but shuhua? i've never felt anything romantic for her. but the speed of my heartbeat right now says otherwise.

"yuqi, it's okay. you'll be okay. you are yourself, with or without those lollipops. you're strong, i know you are. your anxiety doesn't define you. you do. you've resisted those blades since high school, and i have no doubt you can keep going. it can't get any harder than it is now. i know that sometimes you feel like nothing's worth it, that life is just a meaningless cycle, and i get that. but you are so strong, yuqi. you'll make it. i know you will."

i can feel the streams of tears rolling down my cheeks, but i don't move to wipe them away. those words hit so deep that i almost can't breathe. finally. finally somebody understands how it feels to be fighting a never ending war, to not be able to control your thoughts.

"th-thank you."

i manage to choke out, gripping shuhua tightly.

"you have no idea how much that means to me."

shuhua pov

"you have no idea how much that means to me."

yuqi mumbles into my ear, and i feel my heart flutter at her deep, smooth voice. her arms squeeze tighter around me, gripping my hoodie, and i almost choke in surprise.

fuck.

do i like yuqi? i mean, i've always thought she was gorgeous, and i've always known that i'm absolutely not straight. but how can i be sure?

my suddenly parched lips and racing heart seem like pretty obvious signs.

that, and my sudden urge to spin yuqi around and kiss her.

"i'll always be there when you need me"

i whisper back, fondness flooding through me when yuqi rests her chin on my shoulder.

this, is what home feels like.

a/n
help i dropped all my uwus