Being The Only Girl

Chapter 35

Taylor POV

The next day, I didn't get to find Jared anywhere. I search the library, the back of the school, the cafeteria and still didn't find him. Xander waited for me after school, as he said that he got bored and he don't really know anyone here.

I ask him to take me to Jared's house. Cause there's no way that Jared not there. He can avoid me like a plague at school, but he can't avoid me when I'm basically going to be at his house. Xander chuckled as we got on his bike, "You pretty dead set on making things right aren't you?" He mused.

"Shut up and just go." I grumbled.

He laugh and took off the school's parking lot and down to Jared's streets. It was maybe a few minutes later, considering that Xander speed over the limit, he already parked at the McCrory's driveway. I hop off and we quietly got to the porch. I was staring at the door debating if what I'm doing is right, when Xander groaned and press the doorbell himself.

After the second doorbell being press, yes Xander is very impatient. The door open and Mrs McCrory stood there with her gardening clothes. I smile, "Hi Mrs McCrory is Jared home?" I ask politely.

She look from me to Xander and back to me, "Yes he's upstairs. Who's this young man?" She ask as she squinted her eyes at Xander.

I turn my head head slightly and he is very uncomfortable. I smile, "This is Xander. He's a friend of mine. He just want to make sure I drop here safely." I told her.

Xander chuckled nervously, "Yeah call me when you ready to leave? Its nice to meet you Mrs McCrory" He said unsure. Mrs McCrory just nod her head as she still studying him.

I nod, "Yeah I'll text you. Drive safe." I called after him when he make his way back to his bike.

"Well can I meet Jared?" I ask.

She blink and turn to me, "Oh yes sure. He's in his room." She told me. I grin, "Thank you Mrs McCrory." I said as she move aside to let me walk inside. She rolled her eyes, "Please just call me Daniela." I give her a small smile before heading upstairs to his room.

His door was close but I can hear the music he played. I knock softly before turning the knob and peek my head inside and walk in. He was sprawled on his bed, with his arm cover his eyes so he couldn't see me. And can I mention, he is half naked. He only had his boxer on and his six packs is on full display, making it hard for me to concentrate.

"Jared." I called out, trying my very best to focus at the reason to why I was here.

He tense before slowly lift his arm up and open one of his eyelids to look at who was standing on his room. His eyes widened once he saw me. "Holy sh-" he curse but fall off the bed when he scrambled out of his bed quickly but lost his footing so he fell off. I suppressed a laugh and bit my bottom lip.

He stood up and wore a t-shirt lying around his floor, "What are you doing here?" He asked, surprise. I fiddle with my thumb, "Well um I came here to talk." I said softly.

He look at me, bored. "I thought you came to an agreement that I stayed out of your way and you stay out of mine." He snapped, I flinched from his harsh tone and breath. "I made a mistake and I want to make it up for it." I stated.

His eyes hardened once I said that. "What is your fucking problem Taylor? One minute you want me out of your life and the next you want me in? What the fuck is your problem? Stop giving me mix signals. I can't afford in being one of your games. I'm fucking exhausted and I don't mind raising my white flag and declare being a loser. If this is all a game to you then you fucking win Taylor!" He shouted as his arms waving around.

"I'm just confused alright! I didn't know what I want back then. I was a stupid little girl who thought that pushing away is the answer. That I could save my heart from getting hurt." I told him, trying to calm him down. He glare, his eyes are icy cold. I shudder from his intense eyes. "So what now? You want me back? Taylor you need to stop being selfish. You hurt me. You broke me. I'm at the point that I gave up and when I already did, you shimmy your way back. Its like you're trying to act like your fucking mother! Get your shit together and figure the fuck out what you want. Cause I'm not playing games anymore. Its up to you now. Its all left with you Taylor." He spat, all his anger is shown and it really scare me from how much hatred he look at me.

I blink back the tears. I deserve this. I know I freaking deserve this. I took a huge deep breath, keeping my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I take a few deep breath before meeting his gaze, "I'm sorry Jared. I really am. I know you're tired of hearing how sorry I am cause believe me, I'm tired hearing myself saying sorry when I did the mistake all over again." I started, his hard eyes never once softened, he only glare harder as he scoff.

"I know I'm stupid for thinking that we'll be back to how we used to be. But I was scared Jared. I'm scared you're going to leave me sooner or later. So I figured that pushing you away now, save me the heartache for later. But no, it give me worse. I feel horrible every single day, knowing I hurt you. Knowing the reason behind your pain is me. I hate myself for doing that to you, I really am. But I thought I was doing the right thing Jared. I want to save you from dealing with a hot messed like me. I fucked up. I'm a huge mess. I don't want you to waste your time on me, cause everyday something telling me that I'm not worth it. I'm not worth your time." I pause to take another breath as a single tear escaped my eyes, "You're trying to reach me as I drifted away, cause I'm drowning to the dark fast. Jared, I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to see my breakdown. One minute I'm okay, the next I'm a messed. I get it, I'm hard to handle. I spent my whole life, saving my heart from getting hurt, only to find myself getting hurt by my own mother. I'm physically and mentally not okay. I'm never okay. Never once have I ever something to value in life. Until you came along."

"You show me the beauty of love. I'm falling for you, and I chickened out. I don't want to know, one day, I'm gonna watch you walk away from me. I'm a fucking goner when it comes to you. So I'm sorry if I'm being selfish right now. I'm sorry that I fall for someone who worth my whole broken pieces of a heart." I stop my babbling and wipe the tears that streaming down my face, and breath in.

Maybe the Jared and I story has come to an end. It just need it closure. "I hope you find someone better than me Jared. I hope you will cause God know what a fucking mess I am. I love you, you will always hold a special place in my already mess up heart, never forget that. I love you." I whisper as my voice cracked at the end, more softly this time before looking at his stunned face once and dashing out of his room.

I knock on Daniela along the way, "Oh sweetie the- you okay honey?" She ask once she saw the tears. I wipe and nod my head before running out of the house.

I run and knock on a hard rock chest. I stumbled back a few step before mutter a sorry and trying to walk away, but he grab my arm, "Taylor?"

I look up, meeting the stormy grey eyes that held concern and worry. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him close to me as I buried my face in his chest. "It hurt Xan, it fucking hurt." I choked out.

He soothe me as he stroke my hair. "It'll be alright Taylor, time will heal. You'll be alright. You have your family and friends for you." He told me, "Even me. You have me." He added.

He pull back slightly, "Hey we can elope now. We'll make babies together." He joked. I rolled my eyes even when my eyes are full of tears and sniff, "Our baby will be a huge failure." I whined.

He chuckle and pull me back as new fresh tears start to filled my eyes.

~~~

Sorry that this chapter is short, cause that's the end of the day. Jared and Taylor still have yet to make up, next chapter I promise will be better. I was crying while writing this cause I was listening to Unkiss me by maroon 5, sad song ugh

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