SUICIDAL ( taekook )

01- New roommate

(sorry if there is any grammar mistakes, please ignore it)

(Jungkook P.O.V)

I woke up feeling the sun hit my skin through the window. Another day in hell, I thought.

I stood up from the bed, almost falling on my way to the bathroom. I did my usual things, like brushing my teeth and taking a quick bath. But before I left the bathroom to get clothes on, I look up to see myself in the mirror.

Ugh, how I hated that person. Disgusting, I thought. Why would anyone love me, I'm a failure, just like my parents always said to me before they left me at this place. I look down at me wrists, only to see hundreds off scars, some old, some new. Then at my thighs, only to see the exact same thing. The sight made me mad, mad at myself and how weak I was.

my life was a living hell. I couldn't sleep at night, having nightmares about my father beating me up every day, after I had already gotten beaten up in school by bullies.
And my disappointed mother yelling at me because of the pathetic, weak boy I was.

I couldn't make friends, no one wanting anything to do with me, they don't understand me, they don't care, no one cares. Not that I wanted anything to do with them, I actually prefer being alone. But I know deep inside I want someone, someone to tell me everything is gonna be okay.

After trying to get the thoughts out of my head, I went to my closet to get on some clothes. As usual, I took on some gray sweatpants and a hoodie, making sure to cover up my scars, I didn't want the world to see them, to see how hurt I was inside. I was ashamed of myself. I didn't have any plans for the day, cause it was Sunday, which means no orphanage-school. And I don't have any friends, so the only thing I kinda had to do, was go get some breakfast at the cafeteria.

When I arrived at the cafeteria, I looked around in the relatively big room, to see lots of kids my age eating together at different tables. They all looked so happy, laughing with their friends. It just made me realize how lonely and pathetic I was again.

Once I found an empty table I sat down and slowly began to eat some of the food I had taken. I didn't eat much, but I usually didn't have that big of on appetite so I was used to it.

I stood up, and hurried my way out of the cafeteria. But on the way to my room I got stopped by a woman who worked at the orphanage.

"Are you Jeon Jungkook?" She asked, looking up from the papers she was currently holding in her hands. " Y- yes I am" I said in a low voice. I didn't want to talk with her, I hated talking with the workers here. It's like they don't really care about us, they are just pretending, walking around like everything is perfect.

"Great, so Jungkook I was told to inform you about your new roommate " She said in a soft tone, smiling at me. When I didn't say anything she continued, "he will be here in about two hours".

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want a roommate, I loved being alone in my room, even tho it was a room for two. I could do whatever I want, without anyone disturbing me. Without anyone seeing me cry myself to sleep, without anyone seeing how I cut myself, how I hate myself. My room were the place where I wouldn't have to hide. Where I could have a panic attack without anyone knowing, where I could scream in my pillow trying to get all my anger out. All my freedom would be gone.

After standing there for a good minute, with the woman waiting for me to answer. I mumbled a quick "Okay", not knowing what else to say, and almost ran to my room.

I reached my room, slamming the door, and immediately began hitting the wall with my fists repeatedly. I was mad, really mad. Why me? A new roommate would mean I would have to hide myself, in the place I feel the most free.

I stopped hitting the wall, breaking down into tears on my bed. Slowly falling into a uncomfortable sleep.

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SO THAT WAS THE FIRST CHAPTER!!
I KNOW IT WAS HELLA SHORT BUT THATS GONNA CHANGE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:)

If anyone is confused about the orphanage, then basically there's separate buildings at the orphanage, mostly organized by ages. And you can only go out of the orphanage two hours a day, with a permission. Also if you don't get adopted, which you probably don't unless your a little child at this orphanage, because that's mostly what the family's want. Then you are only allowed to leave the orphanage when you are 18 and can take care of yourself. Also even tho they are at an orphanage, they still have to study. So the orphanage has different classes depending on which building you are in. And since Taehyung switched building, he will also switch to Jungkooks class. (The building Jungkook is in has the age 16-18)

OKAY SO THATS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO SAY, I HOPE THIS BOOK ISNT GONNA BE CONFUSING. AND SORRY IF THERE IS ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES.

I PURPLE EVERYONE READING THIS💜

( also updates are gonna be slow, cause I have a lot of homework and stuff, but I'm working on the next chapter so maybe that will come soon )