There Will Be Freedom

6. Hills of Monticello

Justin's POV

I tried fumbling with my tie for the tenth time and was unsuccessful once again. Jeremy had taught me how to knot a tie when I was four, and I had never forgotten. Now my mind was just too full and too crazy for simple motor functions. It was even hard to breathe.

I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom and tried to exhale the stress out of my shoulders. It didn't work.

We had been in Italy for about fifteen hours now and it was still sinking in that my life back on the island was over. My freedom was gone. On top of that, I had to attend my great-grandfather's funeral today, and re-meet my family for the first time in four years. To say it like that, it only made me more insane.

My sleep deprivation, coupled with the time difference, and the impending sorrow of the day was making me slightly irritable.

Maddie and I occupied a large hotel room in a modern, posh establishment, right in the heart of Rome. Jaxon was, of course, with the family a floor below who were happy to see him, as he told it. He came to see us early this morning with all the details.

Everyone was sad but fine. He said they looked tired.

I didn't know if we should be springing my arrival on them like this, but Jeremy thought it might be better to just get it out in the open. After the funeral, I would be able to talk with them. I had no idea what I was going to say. I was going to take it one step at a time.

But first, I had to get through this fucking funeral.

I had been to maybe one hundred in my lifetime. With the sort of existence we lived, it was a given that people were going to die. We usually went to funerals out of respect. A friend or colleague dies, you go see his burial. It was simple. But nothing would be able to prepare me for this day.

How was I supposed to react to this? My grandfather, the man I looked up to most—the man who raised me to be who I am today—was dead. I never in my life thought I would say that. Hell, it was almost predetermined that I was going to die before him. I should have died before him. According to everyone but a select few, I had died before him.

The core of our family was gone. I knew we were strong enough not to crumble, but it was still slightly strange. It was almost like sailing in pitch-black darkness without a lighthouse. Who would I call when I was pissed at Jeremy? Who was going to give me straightforward, honest answers to my questions? Who was going to kick my ass when I was fucking up? That was always Nicola's job.

Granted, I hadn't spoken to the man in years, but that couldn't be helped. It was just nice to know that he was out there if I needed him. Now he was gone.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and attempted again to work my tie into the appropriate position. I didn't accomplish my goal and ended up looking more disheveled.

Like the angel that she was, Maddie glided into the bathroom and took over for me, nimbly fixing my tie without a word.

We had gone shopping last night, and Rome boasted some of the best fashion in the world. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that Maddie would take advantage of it. She was in a simple black dress with capped sleeves that was hugging her body and black high heels. She picked it all out herself. Her hair was down, over her shoulders and her face was soft with minimal makeup.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. I just can't help looking at you."

Maddie smiled, showing a perfect row of teeth, "You're getting very good with your words. I think this new, more vocal Justin is a keeper."