Ocean

Villan, Teacher, Hero, And Hope

Confession

I am a VILLAN..
You know why? Because i accidentally got her killed, I had let a human being get killed... I told her that she's worthless, a piece of shit, that she's selfish, that she deserves everything bad, that she's stupid, that she's talentless, shes not enough, shes not worthy of living, that shes a waste of space in this world,shes a bother and many more..

I am a villan bec I lie.. I lie to everyone. I lie bec it's easier that revealing myself . I lie bec im selfish, i became a Villan since I was hurt but that dosent give me the excuse to act on becoming a Villan, I swear it was an accident killing her.. I hated her, bec she was useless.. But she got killed, I never knew I'd want her back..

Maybe I used to hate her because she was stronger than me, she was smarter, she was happier, she had more freedom, bec she was strong no matter how lonely everyday was for her and yet she threw all those things never knowing the worth and value it cost..

But..

you have to understand that.. The one who was accidentally killed was me.. The one who thought I was useless was me.. I told myself those criticizing sylables without knowing the worth of those words and no one knew I was slowly becoming my own villan, my own assassin, and my own demon, but I also never knew I'd learn that, that 'useless' version actually had a purpose.

A purpose to TEACH me, I had a purpose to teach myself , her purpose was for me to learn and listen to every lesson that was given to me even If I was through pain or happiness.

'whether it's a good or a bad memory..its still a moment to learn from, it's to make you realize that moments like those are ment to be treasured and kept'

I lie bec it easier than admitting.. That I'm hurting, that I'm slowly loosing grip of myself, that I'm loosing control from my choices, that I'm marking those awful words to myself, when I've been also trying to stop other people from marking themselves with those same words..I've learned that

'The way you treat someone you love is how you must treat yourself'.

I can't blame the person who made me know and feel the word unrequited, bec no matter how many times I fall or hurt it's always gonna be my choice and my fault. I am my own HERO, I'm the only one capable of saving myself when no one is present..When I fall my only option is to stand up again, and there won't be another choice bec in reality there won't always be a choice and when i hurt its going to be my fault.

You have to understand, if you don't have a blessing then work for that blessing,

'I'd rather be a failure knowing I tried many times than just be dissapointment knowing I never tried..'

This my confession..

I am my VILLAN , I am my TEACHER, I am my HERO, and I am my own HOPE

______________________

'TREAT YOURSELF LIKE SOMEONE YOU LOVE'