No Regrets

Uncertain

The more he stays still, the more he hates this, this new life. No busy schedule that he can hide after. No scheming, no plotting, no talking, no guessing, just nothing.

"Although I do wonder, Father, if you've ever lived a day in your life?"

Had he...? He was so used to shut down that kind of questioning thought. He did not have the time to ponder the rights or the wrongs of his actions. Because being correct is less than enough, that kind of thought is not feeding on "being correct" but it is based on "being morally justified".

Being uncertain on those edge between virtuous or cutthroat vicious in making decisions is expensive, sometimes can even cost his life. It is always about not getting emotionally attached to anything that could easily be lost to him, and anyone. A living and kicking human is no less expendable than dead subject. And thus, moral, after all, another human's creation, just worth even less than physical materials that can be sold when needed

The last-almost-revolution, there was a motto, once originated from a small newspaper and then spread out, was chained around Los Angeles: "The poor dies, the rich don't live." It is based on the thought that only animal fed on its same kind. Human is supposed to be different, no, above taking each other's time of living. let's not lie to each other, the average of an average person is designed to be around 50 years old. Those who live passed those years... 

Like him. Keeping the time loop of a system, reset for every 25 years. When people are born, the system is designed as "easier time", low-interest rate, cheap housing, work are available. Then after that 4 years period, the interest keeps raising - to make people die - to quantity control. No less than 2 million people, no more than 3 million people to make sure the printed time to not go out of control. To make sure people are occupied with finding more time and living hand-to-mouth.

It is better than let everyone die, isn't it? 

Isn't just throw away the system, came back to the time before better? They only have 600 million people in this world. Philippe had kept telling himself all those years, every time the system lower the interest rate, people would have more children, so if thrown away the system, everyone will want more children and the percentage of couples with a child would go up from 40 to 100 percent. 

But, that is just a bad assumption. For example, he didn't want any child, either it is due to his loveless marriage, or due to his distrust in his own parenting skill. He just doesn't want a child. And his wife, why asking for a child after 40 years, while every month before she can ask at any time. That was 480 miss opportunity that he might not has to deal with Sylvia. Michele was bore, so she asked for one.  

His parents, on the other hand, want his existence. Philippe can say that is due to the fact that they love each other so much, his mom could just throw away her carrier prospect, his father choose to put his life on constant threats to get enough money to raise him until his death.

What is living? His mother had wanted him "to be loved and to love another." She did not know that when she died, his world would never be the same. He would not care if anyone betrayed him, not because he is forgiveful. It is just because he did not trust anyone, not Michele, not his allies, obviously not Sylvia, so how could he feel betrayed? He is just extending his life days after days until infinity or until how long his body can hold itself together. His best before date has long gone, but his expired date is such uncertainty. 

He watched the hologram of his mother's speech on the school where she worked again and again. She was a great speaker, passionate and full of charisma. Her shining blue eyes bring fire to the world. Yet her voice is soothing and calmingly taking people attention. That brings him to his sleep.

Until he was woken up in the middle of a phrase: "however, the world where you are growing up is challenging and disappointing. We grown up are not able to protect you from this new madness that people expect to be a utopia when everyone can have a chance to live young..."

She immediately changes it to how life would not be full of happiness and how challenges can affect those kids dream and hope. That is why he did not realize her sorrow when mentioning the clock and being immortal. 

No..."protect"... His mom thought that she has a duty to protect others. What did she do? Everybody that is openly against the system would be terminated...

Philippe pushes himself up, and run off to check through the system. He had never done this before, to search for his mother's name in all the command created by the council before. After all, his mother is just a teacher, she should not appear there. But, she is usually very determined in having what she want, and in protecting others...

And a line shows before Philippe's shocking eyes:

"Susan, Weis, (Hansel and Gretel),  39 years old, journalist, columnists, revolution organizers:

Status: Terminated on May 19th, 2078"