SEVENS

MORNINGS AND MEMORY LANE

The porch was poorly lit by the streetlights but that didn't bother the bigger boy. The smaller boy wasn't as at ease as the older one, he sat rigid and unmoving.  The smaller boy was frightened of moving, dreading the moment he had to stand.
I could see it. I felt it. I was the little boy and I didn't want to stand, to breath.
    I couldn't remember how long I had been sitting there; feet on a lower step, hunched over my knees, eyes pressed to my arms, but it had only been moments that the older boy had sat down next to me. Thunder and lightning ripped at the stale air. With each flash of lightning the street and neighborhood disappeared leaving endless fields of thick gray grass.
    Concrete bites into the back of my thighs from sitting for such a long time. My back aches from being doubled over my knees. My spine begged to be straightened but I was scared of the stain that might be exposed. I could feel it leaking from my shirt to my pants, sticking and glueing fabric to skin and skin to fabric. I knew how it would feel to peel up and away. It would sting. I would cry.
    The boy shifted, he leaned a little closer to me as he did, and I could feel my body soaking up the warmth he dropped like an addict chasing substance. I turned my head and glanced at the name on his school jacket before looking to his face. It was calm set, even when he was young he looked wise and thoughtful. I had looked up to him for that. He smiled like I scowled.

    'Reese.' I mouthed not making a sound. I couldn't speak. My voice was silenced though the reason was a mystery. I breathed and ignored my forced silence, I didn't want to talk anyway, I just wanted to hear his voice.

    "Sorry I missed the party buddy."

    Reese was four years older and a senior on the football team at his high school. He'd been at a game. Nobody important had showed to my party. He was the only one I had wanted there. He hadn't been.

    He kept talking like I had answered. "We lost anyway so it was a waste. How did it go? You get any cool presents?"

    I mouthed 'no', he kept going.

    "You probably had a lot of friends over right?" He smiled. "You're the cool kid huh?"

    Kids had come. They had left. Mary had tried so hard to have a party for me. She had fed all the boys who had come and they had ignored me and she had given them goodie bags and they had left. I'd be laughed at later, thirteen year olds don't have goodie bags at parties. As if I didn't have enough problems. After, Mary disappeared into the kitchen and Mark came out of the den.

    "I talked to dad... to Mark. He said you two played a game after the party was over. I'm glad you two are getting along better. Seeing the two of you getting along is nice. I know foster bonds aren't as...strong as biological but...it's good to see you try."
Reece smiled again and I wanted to scream.

    "You look uncomfortable do you want to sit up?"

    'No.' I mouthed.

    "Sit up." He commanded.

    'No' He didn't hear me.

    He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me up. Tears filled my eyes and I wrapped my arms around myself. I couldn't let him see. He reached to move my shirt and arms. I swatted his hand away but he grabbed my wrist and lifted my shirt anyway. Dried blood had glued my shirt to my skin and when it was torn away it pulled at the leaking wounds. My stomach was tinted. The tint kept spreading like dark oil and I sobbed silently in fear. He would see and not do anything and it would hurt more than the wounds themselves. Reese didn't seem to care that the puddle around me was growing. Logically I knew they should have stopped bleeding but the dark pool grew regardless.

    "I should have noticed before, shouldn't I?"

    He studied my stomach. I was small. I was thirteen again and I was too small and weak and passive. There wasn't anything at that age that could have saved me. No prayer or curse.
Reese ran a thumb over the cuts.