Cicero x Male!Reader

Chapter 5

The time with the dark brotherhood felt short for you. You finally had a family. A disfunktional one, sure, but still a good one.
And so you were now nearly nineteen years old. If it wasn't for that random kill when you were sixteen, then you probably wouldn't even be alive right now. Maybe would have frozen to death or starved or been killed by another beggar.
You were more than just happy with what you had now. A warm bed, a roof over your head, food and friends. Good friends. Even Arnbjorn came to accept you. But somthing was missing. You didn't know what it was, but you felt so empty.
You looked up the night mother's coffin. "Can't you tell me what it is? Oh sweet Mother, please help me. I know that something is missing, but i can't figure it out." you heard a jingle and turned as Cicero came into the room.
The dark circles under his eyes were worse than ever and he was so tired that he didn't even notice you were there. He fumbled around with what seemed to be an empty box of pills. "Oh no.. Where are they? Where did Cicero put them? They can't be empty yet.. Cicero needs them.."
You walked over to him. "Is everything ok?" he jumped and tried to hide the box, letting it fall down by accident. You picked it up. "What is this?" "Nothing.." You looked at the backside. "C-cicero needs them.. He has to stay awake to protect Mother.."
"Mother is safe, Cicero. Nothing can happen to her here. How long is this going on already?" "S-since Cicero became the keeper..?" "By Sithis.. When did you last sleep?" "F-four months ago..?"
"Cicero.. This is not ok, you are harming yourself so much with this.." he looked down. "You have to sleep. It is important for your body to rest." He shrugged his shoulders. "No, Cicero. It does matter. Come on, go to bed." He tried to protest but eventually obeyed. You went to his room with him and helped him to get into bed.
"I'll stay here with you. At least try to relax a bit." He grabbed your hand in his sleep, slightly squeezing it. 'Wow. I've never seen him so calm. He is.. really pretty now that i look at him from up close. Should i think such things? I mean.. I'm a guy too after all. Better shake those thoughts off, they're wrong.'
You stroke his cheek and sighed. 'Maybe if i lay down with him i won't feel so alone.. But we are both men.. Sithis, i don't know what to do anymore..' you went outside before you would come to any dumb ideas and walked east towards Falkreath.
"It's ok. Just calm down. You are not interested in him in that way." You tried your hardest to find a distraction, but to no avail. "Come on!" you screamed, a force escaping and throwing you back. "What the-"
The lights in the houses went on and you ran away as quick as possible. 'Shit!' You made it back to the sanctuary and broke down in the hallway. You just couldn't do it anymore.
Festus came in and looked at you. "Do you need help, (y/n)?" you nodded and slowly stood up. "Tell me what happened, i'll make you some tea." you sat down in the kitchen and started pouring out your heart to him, talking about all your problems.
"A shout?" "What?" "That force. Was it a shout?" "What is a shout?" "It's the language of dragons. A shout bears great powers, but it takes a lifetime for most people to learn even one of them. Only the Dragonborn can shout without training. Anyways, what was the next thing you wanted to tell me?" "It's about Cicero."
"What did he do this time? Did he steal something? Break any of your things?" "N-no, it's.. I.. I think i've fallen in love with him.. But it is so wrong.." "Does he love you too?" "I guess no.. The only one he really cares about is the night mother.."
He thought for a moment. "You should just tell him. We are here if he tries to attack you." "B-but.. The thought of him hating me for the rest of his life is worse than the thought of him just killing me.." "Don't think like that. If it doesn't work out with him then you will surely find someone else." "But i don't want someone else.."