It has been a few days since he'd self harmed for the first time in months, it has been a few days since he'd purged for the first time, and it was they day he was going to meet up with Hoseok and Namjoon for their collab, and boy did he not want to go, but he had to, he had no choice. He sighed and gulped as he knocked on the door of Namjoon's studio, where they'd agreed to meet. Well more like Yoongi told them as they breifly passed in a corridor one day, walking away before either two had chance to reply. He was a couple minutes late as usual but oh well, he didn't care at all, he just anted to get it over and done with.
The door opened seconds later to reveal Hoseok, who was smiling brightly.
"Hello Yoo-" he got cut off by said person he was speaking too
"Agust, call me Agust, just Agust, nothing else" He spoke harshly, moving into the room leaving a shocked Hoseok at the door.
Hoseok gulped before following Yoongi, closing the door.
"Right Yoo-" Namjoon began, obviously not hearing what had happened at the door.
"Agust" He snapped back
"Er right, A-Agust, heres some lyrics me and Hobi have been working on" Namjoon handed over a notebook, Yoongi glanced over them, changed and adding words he thought were suitible, handing it back to Namjoon, the other two looked at the changed he'd made, impressed.
"Woah this is awesome you've made it so much better" Hoseok said in disbelief
"Yea, yea, can we get onto establishing a beat and shit now" Yoongi said in a hoarse voice. The two nodded and the three set to work on the song. Yoongi was glad no questions were asked, they worked calmly and professionly, something he liked about the two. But then again, he knew the time would come where questions would be asked, but it never happened, not till he got to the door to leave. Namjoon spoke up, something Yoongi was expecting, Namjoon was always the one to start things off, something admirable about him was he was never angry when he should be, well he was, but he wouldn't act like it, and right now he had all the right to be mad at Yoongi, yet he spoke in a perfectly calm voice.
"You said you wouldn't leave, why didn't you come back?" Namjoon asked in a soft voice
"I'm here arn't i? Whether i'm the person i once was or not, i'm still here, i came back whether on purpose or an accident, i'm back, i came back i'm just not who i once was, but im here" Yoongi wanted to yell, but he didn't he had to refrain himself, he didn't want to cause an argument.
"But Hyung, you left, y-you said you wouldn't" Hoseok said
"I didn't want to go, i had to go, sometimes you cant make your own decisions in life, sometimes things come your way that you can't avoid, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, i didn't want to leave, i had to, just because it's a promise doesn't mean nothing, you can break promises easy, it whether you wanted to break it or not, and i did not" Yoongi left the room without a further word, leaving two baffled rappers behind.
As soon as Yoongi entered his studio he broke down, sliding to the floor with a thud, hiding his face in his hands. He felt the familar needles against his skin, trying to dig their way through his skin. He stumbled over to his desk, frantically searching through the top draw until he found it, the shiny blade, still dried blood stuck on the corners. He ignored it, rolling his sleeves up without a seconds hesitation, pressing the bade on his arm, dragging it rhough his skin again and again, the scars he'd made a few days ago were healing, but weren't healed enough, as when Yoongi recklessly dragged the blade through his skin he managed to re-open nearly all his previous cuts, causing more blookd to cascade down his arm. Yoongi dropped the blade, sinking to the floor once more, sobbing his eyes out as the blood poured endlessly from his arm.
Then a knock ran through the studio. Yoongi froze, he glanced at the blood on his arm, the floor, the cuts, the blade, the tears still pouring down his face, then he remembered- he forgot to lock the door.
"Yoongi you in there? It's BamBam, i wanted to check up on you" Thats when Yoongi lost it, the sound of his friends concerned voice, but then he thought fake, of course he doesn't care, he's doing it cause he's ment to be your friends, thats what friends do, why should he be concerned about him, he's done nothing to deserve his concern, all he's done is hurt him in one way or another.
So Yoongi broke down sobbing, loud painful sobs, full of hurt, BamBam opened the door after hearing the sobs, he froze at the sight, Yoongi sat on the floor, tears pouring endlessly down his face, same as the blood pouring from his arm onto the floor, he paused before jumping into action, quickly lokcing the door behind him and grabbing a random towel and holding it against Yoongi's arm with one hand while hugging him with the other. But not until he'd grabbed the abandonded blade, shoving it in his pocket to prevent Yoongi doing anything else. He watched with tears in his eyes as he watched Yoonig bury his face into his neck, his warm tears soaking his top. BamBam felt his heart break at the sight. He just wanted to help the male.
But it wasn't that easy, nothing was ever that easy.
