Yoongi pushed the plate away, chucking it in the bin without a seconds hesitation, he could last if he didn't eat breakfast. He pulled on his shoes and coat, grabbing his phone and heading for the company.
He headed straight for Bang Pd's room, knocking harshly and pushing the door opening. He sat himself opposite Bang Pd, waiting for him to speak.
"Agust, why weren't you hear yesterday?" He asked, looking away from his computer.
"My sister died" He replied harsly, feeling himself getting worked up.
"Why didn't you call in and tell me?" He asked, voice noticebly softer
"Calling in wasn't my first concern" Yoongi replied, pinching the inside of his hand, feeling himself relaxing, knowing he was punishing himself for upsetting his Boss. Bang Pd nodded.
"Wel yesterday i wanted to talk to you bout doing a callabortation with some of Bts, how does that sound? I feel it would boost both your guys's popularity and fame, and attract more people, it's also getting you used to working with other poeple, as you'll end up doing for callaborations in the future" Bang pd explained. Yoongi nodded.
"Who will it be with?" He asked coldly, pinching away at the inside of his hand.
"Well i was think Hoseok and Namjoon, as they are both rappers" Yoongi nodded to this.
"So you'll do it?" Yoongi nodded again, locking eyes with his boss, his way of asking if he could leave, Bang Pd sighed before nodding, suggesting that wasn't all he had wanted to talk about.
Yoongi threw himself into his desk hair as soon as he'd locked the door to his studio behind him. He burried his face in his hands, he couldn't wokr with them, he coudn't, he couldn't face them after his outburst after the interview, he just couldn't, he couldn't face the questions now that they knew who he was, he couldn't face them, let alone work with them.
Then he realised, they were way skinnier than him, way smarter than him, way better then him, way stronger than him, they were enough, he wasn't. He felt the urge to cut come back, but he couldn't, he wouldn't, not yet at least. He decided to face the skinny issue first. He stood, in a daze like before, leaving his studio and going to the bathroom, luckily it was empty, no one came around this time of day, usually everyone would be busy, like he sould be, but no, he was here. He walked to the end cubicle, lifting the seat up and crouching down, he sighed as he got two finger and pushed against his throat, waiting the feeling of puking to come, it did, bubbling in his tummy before making it's way up his throat, before exiting his mouth in a chuck of horridness. He shuddered at the feeling, the aching in his throat and the realisation of what he'd just done dawning on him, but there was no going back, plsy he had to do this. He just had to be skinny, he needed to look good, be good for everyone, he had to please everyone, he couldn't let them be hurt by him, he was hurting everyone who saw him, everyone who had to accept they were working along with, he was dssapointing people with not working hard enough, not being enough. But he was gonna change, he'd work hard, become smarter, better, he'd lose weight, he'd make people proud, no matter what.
He sighed as he flushed the toilet, putting the lid down and resting his head on the wall, sighing again as he closed his eyes, letting himself drift away from reality. How long he sat there he doesn't know, but he doesn't care, he took his time, sorting his emotions out, his feelings, his thoughts, he took the time he much needed to sort himself out, he was a mess, he knew that, so he had to fix it.
He stood shakily, almost falling back down, sumbling out of the bathroom he made his way back to his studio, where he worked for hours and hours on end, learning new things, trying things out, working on lyrics, beats, piano, his skills, he worked and worked, he slaved away at his desk, ignoring the numb feelings in his bottom, he ignored it, focusing on his work, he just had to be better, he would be better, he'd improve and show everyone what he's capable of. He would succeed and prove everyone who doubted him wrong.
But people are gonna judge him no matter what, if only he'd come to realise that sooner.
