Barriers

chapter 11

Narrator's pov

The feel of a soft press of lips, those hands running from his hips to his back and then returning to his hips in those soothing strokes...It was a minute before he remembered who's hands and lips they were. Zim's pink eyes snapped open and he roughly pushed Red away from him, looking at the other in shock.

Red blinked at Zim, slowly coming back to reality. "Zim...?"

"I...I'm sorry, I..."

"Zim, relax," Red reached to hold Zim's hands, but the smaller backed up out of reach. He frowned at that. "Zim, it's okay. We didn't do anything wrong-"Zim shook his head, looking at the other in disbelief. Suddenly he turned and bolted, out of sight before Red could say another word. Alone, Red sighed in defeat. "Damnitt..." He was certain that Zim would run right into Spork's arms, just like Red had suggested. Why in the hell he had suggested that, he didn't know now.

Red wanted to go after him...Wanted his beloved Irken but...he shouldn't have kissed him like that...

Still...Zim had kissed him back. And it had been so incredible...Those lips, so soft, so inviting against his own...And Zim had melded into him so perfectly...

Flopping back onto his bed, running his hands over his face, Red groaned. Zim had kissed him back...It was a happy thing at first, but...then the only reason that Zim would respond so knowingly was if Spork had kissed him first; had shown Zim how to move his timid lips against another's. It was an infuriating thought.

Still...Zim had responded rather than reject Red outright...And the only way Zim could do that...and declare feelings for Red...was if Spork hadn't marked him yet...

Red sighed, looking up at his ceiling. How long did he have before Spork marked the Smaller? Especially after finding out Red kissed him...?

oooo

Zim hadn't realized how close their rooms were. It made him feel like he shouldn't have retreated to his chambers after what happened. He knew it was all in his head, but...it almost felt like he could feel Red reaching through the walls to try and touch him again.

Groaning in distress, Zim kicked his boots aside and crawled into the bed, wrapping his blankets around to himself. His lekku were pressed back against his skull as he grasped his pillow against his chest. He left the light off, feeling like the artificial illumination would make him even more vulnerable.

Zim sighed. He allowed his eyes to slip shut as he nuzzled into the pillow further. He wished that he was holding something warm, though. Something that would hold him back...He tightened his grip as he brought back to what happened before with Red. It just made him feel more than a little foolish. First he had admitted he respected Red...Now he told the other he loved him. At least...he felt the same about Red that he did about Spork.

But why? How? The two were so different!

Spork was next in line for Tallest. He was genuine in everything he said and did...Not to mention soft golden eyes, a gentle-almost wise-smile...and his less than modest attire that made Zim blush just thinking of it. Most of the time, Zim had noted that Spork's feet were even bare...

And Red? Well, Red was a Taller. Someone who dreamed of being Tallest...He may even be declared next in line after Spork someday... But his eyes weren't gold. They were a commanding crimson that could turn cold in an instant. He had Irkens follow his lead like Spork did, but when it came to the Smallers like Zim, they followed out of fear, not respect. Many just wanted Red to notice them so that he would say something against them being picked on. Even some fellow Tallers were afraid of Red's temper.

But lately...Zim hadn't been seeing that cold and unfeeling side of Red. Those crimson eyes weren't guarded and condesending when they looked at him. Now Red reflected Spork's movements...he had Spork's soft eyes and gentle touches...Even the kiss seemed-

Zim's eyes snapped open and he froze. It all hit him suddenly.

Reflection...No...Copying! Red was just being copying Spork!

Zim stood up suddenly, his lekku back in thought as he ran a gloved hand over his face. His non-existant brow furrowed as his pink eyes darted back and forth, not really seeing anything as his PAK swirled with the new information.

Red hadn't said anything until Spork showed up...And Spork was so open with his attraction to Zim, all the way from their first encounter. Meanwhile Red...Red had waited until Zim and Spork grew close...When was it that Red first approached him? It wasn't until after...

After Spork had walked him back to his room and kissed his hand...

Zim growled as his jaw tightened. Red's room was so close...He must have seen. Then he must have planned to make Zim fall for him...Because no Tallest ever had a lover by their side. Not since Irk's ancient history, before they became so relient on technology. Back then the surviving lover would take charge, regardless of height. It would become a pure status thing...

And that would mean bad news for Red. Then he would never be Tallest! Not unless if Spork died, Zim would take Red as a lover. That would be the only way for Red to achieve his goal!

That...That... "THAT HORRID LITTLE DIRT PILE!" In his rage, Zim threw his covers back and punced against the headboard, small fractions of it flying all over. "THAT MOLD OF SEWAGE AND BLOORCH SCUM!" Yet another was thrown as he turned, hitting the wall beside the cleansing room and leaving a large hole, cords and such flickering in protest as peieces of wall fell to the floor. "HOW DARE HE USE ZIM LIKE THIS!?" Grabbing one of the chairs that were rarely used, he picked it up and threw it with all of his force, making the room shake and a large crash ensue, the metal bending a bit from the force and a large hole being left in the wall, fracturing outward as more bits fell, crumbling.

Huffing, Zim could feel his whole body shaking. His knees buckled and he hit the floor, slowly beginning to calm. When he finally steadied himself again, his pink eyes were unseeing, resting on the damaged wall, the chair on its side just a few feet away.

Blank-faced, he didn't notice when tears slipped from his eyes. He didn't have the strength to cry or to hold them back. He just allowed the steady streams to gather, feeling numb. He was far too concerned with the voice in his head.

It happened. Despite Zim's effort...it happened. Zim was manipulated. All because of him.

Those were his last thoughts as he flopped to his side on the floor, his vision fading.
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I have an ending in mind finally...but we'll see if I end up using it

I'd rather end this on a somewhat happy note but...we'll see